


The Cabin

by FadedSparks



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 03:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FadedSparks/pseuds/FadedSparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jared asks Jensen to spend two weeks of their hiatus with him at his family's cabin Jensen accepts, albeit reluctantly, when he realizes that something is wrong with his friend. By the time they leave the cabin their friendship will never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cabin

Jensen had been looking forward to the hiatus for months now. Don’t get him wrong, he has a blast working on the set of Supernatural, but after a while you start missing home. He has been missing his mom’s home cooking, working on cars with his dad, teasing his little sister, and spending time with his brother and his family. There simply comes a time when there are so many aspects of ‘home’ that you just begin to miss.

Before he even allowed himself to go to bed last night, he packed his bags for the flight home he would be taking two days later. He even wrote down a list of all the things he wanted to do while he was back home. His parents were looking forward to seeing him and his sister has been calling him every day saying how excited she is about seeing him again.

He was literally all set for this break, until Jared approached him, that is. Jared had just barely caught him at the end of filming, he was in the parking lot unlocking the door of his Ford Mustang when Jared leaned against it; preventing him for opening the door. The smile on his face wasn’t one he normally recognized on his friend, had seemed forced somehow.

Then be brought up an idea he had been contemplating for a while, which was that he thought they should spend a couple weeks at a cabin in Colorado. At first Jensen had declined, quickly, ‘cause he loves spending time with Jared, but seeing his family again after being months apart, well that sounded more appealing. But then Jared explained that he was having some problems with his family, not that he explained any further, and said that he could really use a friend at the moment, which just so happened to be Jensen. What really sealed the deal though, was when Jared used those puppy eyes against him; Jensen can’t deny him anything when he gives him that look.

That is how Jensen finds himself in this situation, sitting in the passenger seat of a rented Ford Focus with Jared Padalecki in the driver seat. Jensen shifts in his seat restlessly, hours of sitting in the car starting to get to him. Staring out the passenger side window, he silently curses as he watches the scenery pass by in a blur. He knows it’s his own fault for being in his current predicament, if only he could learn to say no to Jared, and stick with his decision. Of course, he could always blame Jared, that always makes him feel better.

“Would you sit still for a goddamn minute,” Jared practically seethes when Jensen shifts in his seat once more, “your constant movement is really annoying, and starting to get distracting.”

“Oh, I am _so_ sorry, Jared,” is Jensen’s sarcastic response. “My back is cramping up though, and my ass hurts. We’ve been driving for hours it seems. Should it be taking this long? You haven’t gotten us lost, have you?”

Jensen watches as Jared’s hands grip the steering wheel more firmly, his knuckles turning white, and silently laughs in amusement. It is always fun getting Jared riled up, mainly because it’s not the easiest thing to do. Jared is usually laid-back; nothing really gets on his nerves enough to put him in a sour mood.

“Yes, Jensen, I know where I’m going. I told you it’d take a little while to get there since its pretty secluded and on the outskirts of town,” Jared says through gritted teeth, sending a glare in Jensen’s direction. “Now, would you quit complaining and try being a little more patient? We’re almost there, so you’ll be able to stretch your legs in a minute.”

Jensen smiles sweetly and slouches down in his seat. “Alright, I’ll take it easy on you; you won’t hear me complaining anymore during the duration of the ride.”

“Thank you,” Jared says with a relieved sigh as he relaxes his fingers on the steering wheel, moving one arm to rest his elbow on the open window where he props his head up with the palm of his hand.

Jensen just sits there silently for a brief moment before reaching under his seat and pulling out a CD case. Flipping through it, he pulls out the one he was searching for and places it in the car stereo. A moment later “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by Scorpions comes through the speakers and Jensen turns the volume up a few notches.

Jared visibly relaxes a bit more, and soon a smile crawls onto his face. Glancing over in Jensen’s direction, they share a comfortable smile as they sing along to the song and bob their heads to the beat. Jensen tilts his head to watch Jared, seemingly in his own world now, and idly drums his fingers on his jean covered knee. Neither says anything as they listen to the music to pass the time, and Jensen is tempted to shift again to relieve his aching joints, but is sure that would just set Jared off again.

Moving to sit upright in his seat, Jensen stares out the windshield as he asks, “So…” he pauses a moment before continuing, “how much longer is it going to be?”

“Jensen!” Jared exclaims in exasperation, scowling unhappily, and Jensen just chuckles loudly beside him.

* * *

Jared was right when he said they were almost there, and fifteen minutes later they are pulling into the driveway of a two story cabin. Jensen sighs gratefully when he opens his door and steps out of the car, stretching his body to its limits and rubbing his ass with a glare fixed on Jared’s back. When Jared turns around and sees what he is doing he just laughs and tells him to suck it up. Jensen gives his back the finger when he turns back around but follows him up the stairs nonetheless.

After fighting with the lock for a moment, Jared finally gets the door open and Jensen follows him inside. The place smells musty from months of being closed up and no life, but it is fairly spacious. Scenic paintings hang on the walls in the living room, along with portraits of the Padalecki family. A flower print sofa sits in the middle of the room, directly in front of a 27” television set, and two black recliners sit on either side of a love seat.

Jensen stands by the sofa as Jared walks around him to open the curtains on the windows, letting some light in to chase away the dark. Now that he can see better, Jensen realizes that the cabin has definitely seen better days. Dust covers almost every surface, and there is a questionable odor emitting from some unknown area, strong enough to make the entire place smell horrible.

Jensen covers his nose with the palm of his hand and turns to Jared. “What the hell is that rancid smell, dude?” He asks in disgust, unable to hide his displeasure.

“I have no idea, but it smells like something died,” Jared answers, moving his hand to cover his own nose as well. “We should look for the source otherwise we’ll never get rid of the smell.”

Jensen is in the process of nodding his head in agreement when he glances down at his foot, having felt something run across it. He lets out an undignified scream when he sees a fat rat sitting right between his feet and jumps onto the couch behind him. Jared twirls around in alarm, spots the rat as it runs into a hole in the wall, and turns his wide eyes on his friend. Jensen rolls his own eyes and mutters under his breath when Jared breaks down into hysterical laughter, nearly falling over in his amusement.

“Shut up, man, I don’t like rats, okay!” Jensen huffs and pulls himself off the couch, straightening out his clothes and trying to look manly.

“That was hilarious! God, I knew I wanted you here for some reason,” Jared says around pants of breath. “No one else can entertain me like you can.”

“Yeah, ha ha, laugh it up Sasquatch! Just wait ‘till you do something that makes you look like an idiot, payback will be sweet.”

“Your threats are empty Jen,” Jared says as he walks out of the room. “Come on, help me find the source of the horrible smell and then we’ll bring in our bags.”

Jensen moves to do what Jared says but he grumbles the whole way there. He doesn’t exactly know where to even begin looking, and he really doesn’t want to let his nose lead him, so he simply heads down the hallway and opens the first door he comes across. Flipping the light switch, he finds himself in the bathroom and begins searching the small room, opening cabinets and checking in the bath tub.

Exiting the room when he finds nothing, he heads back the way he came just as Jared calls out from the kitchen. Jensen meets up with him a minute later and grimaces when he sees the cause of the foul aroma. A dead raccoon lies in a cupboard beneath the sink, wedged between the wall and the pipe. Jensen scrunches up his face when Jared suggests he take out the dead animal, and shakes his head in refusal as he retreats out of the kitchen, leaving Jared with the dirty job.

Heading outside for some fresh air, Jensen leans against the porch railing and glances around at his surroundings. Despite not wanting to be here in the first place, and the shape the cabin is in, he can’t deny that the place is nice and peaceful. Oak and pine trees alike enclose the area in seclusion, off to the side of the cabin is a lake with a dock, and an old porch swing sways in the wind in front of the main living room window. Idly, Jensen wonders if the swing is in good condition or if the weather has rotted the wood and aged rope; wonders if it would break the moment he sat down on it.

His train of thought comes to an abrupt halt when Jared appears beside him, leaning against the railing and staring off in the distance. At first glance you would think that Jared is at peace, enjoying the familiar surroundings, but Jensen knows his friend too well and can tell something weighs heavily on his mind.

“It’s really beautiful here, isn’t it?” Jared says before Jensen can question how he is feeling. “We used to come here every summer when I was younger, was our home away from home. I haven’t been here in years; didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

“Why’d you stop coming here?” Jensen asks softly, studying his friend’s face closely.

“Schedules became too busy, just never had the time anymore. Either I was too busy with filming or my dad couldn’t get time away from work… something always seemed to get in the way, we just stopped trying to make time after a while.” Jared replies wistfully.

“What’s going on Jay? What happened between you and your family?” Jensen asks after a long pause of not knowing how to respond to Jared’s words.

“Look, I really appreciate you being here for me, and for your concern, but can we not talk about this right now? I promise to talk to you about it, just not now, okay? I’m just not ready for that conversation just yet.” Jared says, eyes pleading.

“Yeah, sure,” Jensen replies softly, hurting for the pain he sees in his friend’s eyes, “whatever you want man.”

Jared smiles gratefully before straightening and heading toward the car. Silently, Jensen follows behind him and grabs his bags once Jared has the trunk open. Grabbing his own luggage, Jared slams the trunk closed and then follows Jensen back into the cabin. Motioning for him to follow upstairs, Jared heads to the second floor and leads Jensen to the first door on the right. The room is fairly decent, with a queen sized bed in the middle and a mahogany dresser in the far corner.

Placing his bags on the bed, Jensen moves to stand at the only window in the room, pulling back the curtains and filling the room with natural light. The view from the window is pretty spectacular, in Jensen’s opinion, overlooking the lake. Even with the window closed and locked he can still detect the faint smell of pine, which is something he could definitely get used to.

“We’re gonna have to go into town and buy some groceries, we’re completely out of food and a few other things. Which I guess is to be expected since no one’s been here in a long time.” Jared says, breaking the peaceful silence. “Why don’t we get settled in and then we’ll head to the market?”

“Sounds like a plan, would be nice to eat tonight.” Jensen replies before sniffing the air and flinching. “We need to get air freshener too; lots of it. It still smells like dead raccoon in here.”

Jared chuckles softly, nodding his head in agreement before leaving the room to go to his own. Jensen stares for a moment at the doorway Jared just vacated before getting busy with putting his stuff away.

There is a closet, but Jensen is a little afraid to find out what could possibly be living in there, so he settles on putting his clothes in the dresser. He places his laptop on the nightstand beside the bed, while his glasses and the latest book he is reading goes atop the other nightstand.

Once he has all his personal belongs put away, he places his bags beneath the bed and heads back downstairs to wait for Jared. Stepping out onto the front porch, he takes his cell phone out of it’s holder on the side of his jeans and calls home. He promised to phone them once he got settled in; let them know they made it there safely. His mom has always been overprotective like that, constantly needing to know he is alright. Plus, his sister wanted to talk to him, as per usual. They were all disappointed to hear he wouldn’t be visiting when he planned but understood when he explained the situation. Besides, it isn’t like he won’t be able to visit once they leave here, it just won’t be as long a visit as previously planned.

* * *

After a twenty minute drive into town, they finally pull into the parking lot of the local market and Jared turns off the engine. Locking up the car, they head into the store and Jensen grabs one of the carts. Letting out a sigh, he follows along behind Jared and looks around at the items on the shelves; keeping an eye out for anything he might want.

He is sure they will be here a while, and while that doesn’t thrill him, he knows this is _very_ necessary. He looked in the cupboards back at the cabin before they left and Jared wasn’t lying when he said they were out of food. In fact, the place was completely bare. They are going to need to stock up on at least two weeks worth of groceries and supplies.

After the long drive he endured today though, all he wants is to relax and not move for a couple of hours. Spending an unknown amount of time in a market shopping is the last thing that appeals to him. He knows it must be done however, and he would rather get it over with now than do it later. Besides, he would like to eat tonight. A shower sounds really good as well, though he is a little unoptimistic of the condition the bath tub is in. One of them might have to scrub it before even contemplating taking a shower in it.

Jared spins around when Jensen runs into him for the second time with the cart and fixes a firm glare on him. Jensen smiles sheepishly when he realizes he was so lost in his thoughts that he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing. Jared just rolls his eyes and moves to walk beside him to avoid being hit again.

They walk silently side by side, Jared taking things off the shelves left and right and placing them in the cart. He grabs everything from dish soap to body wash to food. Jensen will grab something once and a while but there isn’t anything he absolutely _needs_. He leaves the actual shopping to Jared; counting on him to know what they don’t have at the cabin.

Once they reach the cereal aisle, Jared leaves Jensen to grab something from across the store. Why couldn’t he have just waited till we got down that way to get whatever it is he wanted? Jensen shrugs and turns his attention to the many different brands of cereal. Reaching up, he grabs a box of Fruity Pebbles and places them in the cart. He then spots the Honey Comb and decides he wants a box of that as well.

Jared rounds the corner just as Jensen places the box in their cart and holds up two bottles of Tequila, a bottle of Vodka and a 24 pack of beer. Jensen eyes them for a minute and then slides his gaze up to his friend’s face; looking at him questionably. Jared just shrugs in answer and places the alcohol in the cart.

“Planning on getting drunk tonight, Jay?” Jensen asks lightly, trying not to sound like a scolding mother.

“Tonight or tomorrow,” Jared shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, “doesn’t matter when, just thought it’d be nice to have a few drinks.”

Jensen just nods his head but can’t deny the fact that he is a little worried. Sure, it isn’t unusual for Jared to want to drink, but something is bothering him and Jensen doesn’t want him trying to drown his problems in alcohol. He knows that is what Jared has in mind, can read it clearly in his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. It would just upset him, or he would close himself off, and that is the last thing Jensen wants.

“I was thinking we could have a barbeque tomorrow. How do hamburgers and ribs sound?” Jared asks as they head to the meat counter.

“That sounds awesome, been too long since I’ve had some good barbeque.” Jensen replies, mouth watering at just the thought.

“Great, why don’t we just grab what we’ll need and then we can head out. We got everything we need for the next two weeks, right?”

Jensen glances at the cart but can’t really tell what they have since it is piled so high. “I think so. Doesn’t matter anyway, if we forgot anything we can just come back tomorrow and pick it up.”

Jared nods in agreement and then turns his attention to the man behind the counter; asking for the hamburger and ribs. Once the packages are in the cart, they head to the front of the store and get in line at the check out. The young girl at the register recognizes them immediately and unabashedly flirts with Jared; making Jensen snicker quietly beside his flustered friend.

In the end they get a discount, on account of Jared’s number one fan, or so she says. They don’t get out of there without giving her their autographs, of course, and then Jared is practically running out of the store; Jensen laughing in amusement behind him. Jared glares at Jensen for teasing him, but ends up laughing at the situation a minute later as well.

Placing the bags in the trunk, Jared unlocks the car and they get inside. Jensen puts on Metallica as they pull out onto the main road and makes himself more comfortable for the ride back to the cabin. Jared is watching the road, paying Jensen no attention, but there is a question burning on Jensen’s mind that he has avoided until now.

“So, Sandy was okay with you taking off during the hiatus to spend two weeks with me instead of her?” Jensen asks conversationally.

Jared tenses at the mention of Sandy’s name, and glances briefly at Jensen before turning his eyes back to the road once more. “It wasn’t a problem.”

Jensen takes it as a sign that the conversation is over when Jared turns up the volume and refuses to look in his direction. It seems odd that Jared wouldn’t want to spend the hiatus with his girlfriend, even if it is only two weeks. Jensen wants to get the story out of his friend but he knows when he shouldn’t push, and this is one of those times.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they pull up to the cabin and Jensen steps out of the car. Jared unlocks the trunk and they take the bags from the market inside. They get to work right away on putting the groceries in their rightful places. Jared hasn’t said a word since the car ride home, and now is no different. He silently puts away the food and then leaves the room to put away the other items they bought.

Jensen lets out a sigh as he watches his friend walk away. He can’t help but worry about him. He knows that something pretty awful must have happened, only he has no idea what it could possibly be. Then there is the way he reacted when Jensen mentioned Sandy. He grew tense, quiet and withdrawn. He had this far away look in his eyes that told Jensen he was thinking of times past.

_Maybe Sandy broke up with him, would explain why he is here with me instead of her and it would also explain his behavior in the car_ , Jensen thinks to himself. _For the life of me I can’t imagine why she would do such a thing though. She always seemed so happy with Jared._

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he decides to stop questioning what could have possibly happened and just wait for Jared to come to him when he is ready. Placing a trash bag inside the garbage can, he throws away the empty plastic bags from the market just as Jared re-enters the room.

“Wanna watch a movie or something?” Jared asks as he grabs a can of Sunkist from the fridge.

“Sure, I’m feeling in the mood for a comedy. What about you?” He takes the can of soda that Jared offers him. A warm soda doesn’t sound all that appealing, but he is thirsty and decides not to be so picky at the moment.

“That would be a good idea, I’m in the mood for a good laugh as well. Afterwards I’ll get started on dinner. How does frozen pizza sound to you?”

“Sounds very appetizing.” Jensen replies sarcastically, but they both know he isn't complaining.

Jensen follows Jared into the living room and flops down onto the couch; trying not to look too disgusted when dust flies around him. The cabin is in serious need of a cleaning, and Jensen won't be able to relax until the place smells refreshing again. He isn't a clean freak or anything, but he doesn't enjoy living in such a dirty environment either. Besides, dust always manages to make his allergies kick in.

He can't suppress the sneeze that suddenly escapes him and Jared sends a smirk over his shoulder. Jensen simply flips him off and makes himself more comfortable on the couch. A moment later Jared joins him on the dust covered piece of furniture, sending dust into the air once again and laughing when Jensen sneezes a second time. He decides to ignore the gentle giant and focuses his attention on the television as the previews begin.

They sit in comfortable silence until the movie finally begins, and Jensen smiles when he sees that Jared picked Transformers. Usually he would pick a fight, since he said he wanted to watch a comedy, but he figures this is the best of both worlds and he doesn't have the heart to start a teasing banter with his friend. Jared isn't exactly acting himself, and Jensen decides to let him have his way for once without any arguments, no matter how innocent they usually are.

Halfway into the movie, Jensen heads into the kitchen and pops a bag of popcorn into the microwave. He will probably only get a few handfuls of it because normally Jared inhales it before Jensen can get his fair share. He doesn't mind though. Not that he will admit that to Jared, of course, he has too much fun teasing his friend.

Once the popcorn is done, he returns to the living room and places the bag on the coffee table after grabbing out a handful. As expected, Jared instantly snatches up the bag and places it in his lap as be begins to practically devour the food. Jensen merely shakes his head in amusement before turning his attention to the movie.

“Man, I can't believe you like Bumble Bee the most out of all of them,” Jared says in mock disappointment; eyes shining in bemusement. "Optimus Prime totally kicks ass."

“Don't hate on Bumble Bee, man, he's just underappreciated,” Jensen argues but it's halfhearted at best, with the smile lighting up his face.

“I totally disagree,” Jared responds with a smirk. “People just have better taste than you do, Jen.”

“You better take that back.” Jensen raises his fist in a threatening fashion but frowns childishly when it only manages to make Jared laugh.

Jared pretends to contemplate this for a moment, and Jensen can't help but smile at the sight; glad to see his friend acting more like himself for at least the moment. “Nah, I don't think I will.”

“Either you take it back or I douse your bed with water, your choice.” Jensen responds with a cheeky smile.

“Whatever, you're no fun, Jen.” Jared pretends to pout, though his lips are threatening to turn upward. “Besides, I'd just steal your bed if you did.”

Jensen pointedly decides to ignore that last part and contentedly watches the rest of the movie in peace; no underlying awkwardness hanging over their heads. There is even a smile on Jared's face, and Jensen can't help feeling that he has accomplished something. In Jensen's eyes, Jared is the type of person that should always be smiling; a frown just looks alien on him, and it makes Jensen feel uneasy.

He desperately wants to know what happened to take Jared's smile away; what hurt his friend so bad. He can't ever imagine hurting Jared on purpose. Jared is such a kind and tender person, hurting him is like kicking a wounded puppy when it's down. He knows something happened with his family, and whatever it is has nearly destroyed his best friend. He wants to be angry at them for what they have done, and he is, but it's a little disconcerting when he doesn't know _what_ he should be angry over. He has a feeling Sandy plays a part in all of this as well, but, once again, he doesn't know what that is.

He wants to help Jared; make it all better, but he isn't quite sure how to do that. Without knowing exactly what went down kind of leaves him in the dark. If he wants to help his friend he is just going to have to wait patiently for Jared to open up to him, and then hope he knows how to proceed.

Glancing over at Jared, he finds that the smile has been replaced by a broken expression, and it just about eats him alive. His friend is suffering, and he is tired of sitting idly by and doing nothing about it. He can't just sit here any longer and watch as Jared tears himself up inside with all these things he is keeping locked away.

“Hey, man, you okay?” Jensen asks softly, cautiously, as though his friend's this fragile antique that will shatter at a moment's notice.

Jared visibly shakes himself out of his thoughts and offers Jensen a shadow of a smile. “Yeah, I'm good, no need to worry.”

“I dunno, I'm not so convinced.” Jensen decides to be honest, hoping Jared will finally tell him what's going on, and watches him intently for any kind of reaction. “You wanna talk, now, about what's bothering you?”

Jensen watches as Jared silently fights a war inside, shadows dancing across his face and eyes; pain crossing his features. After a long, tense moment, Jared lets out a sigh and abruptly stands up. Jensen follows his friend with his eyes, jaw slack, as Jared heads to the front door. He hadn't been expecting that, though he isn't quite sure why. This is obviously something Jared doesn't want to discuss right now, but Jensen doesn't want him running away either.

Jensen jumps up and calls out his friend's name; his voice sounding panicked and worried.

“Grab some beer and then head out here, I'm gonna need a lot of alcohol for this conversation,” Jared says with a heavy, pained sigh, before heading out onto the front porch and shutting the door almost soundlessly.

Jensen just stands there like a moron for a moment, not quite understanding that Jared isn’t running away like he previously thought, and then his brain kicks in and he is quickly moving towards the kitchen. Grabbing a few beers from the fridge, he kicks the door shut with his foot and then heads outside.

Storm clouds have rolled in from the west and already rain is coming down; showing signs of getting heavier. Ignoring the weather, Jensen sits down beside Jared on the front porch steps and hands him one of the beers. Jared offers him a grateful smile, though his eyes clearly show how nervous he is feeling.

Jared releases a heavy sigh and Jensen has to restrain himself from placing a consoling hand on his shoulder; figuring his friend needs the time to gather the courage to start this conversation. He just sits silently beside the visibly hurting man, letting his presence alone offer some kind of comfort, and lets Jared take his time.

Jensen watches out of the corner of his eye as Jared wearily runs a hand down the length of his face, stopping to cup his hand over his mouth. He keeps his eyes on the trees in the distance, either unable to look in Jensen’s direction or refusing to. Jensen swears that he can almost see the weight upon his friend’s shoulders, forcing him to hunch in on himself. He has never seen him so bone weary before and has to admit that it scares him a little.

Ever since he met the younger man, Jared has always had a wide dimpled smile at the ready for whoever was near him. His eyes always shined with laughter, and his arms were seemingly aching for a hug; it appeared to Jensen that Jared couldn’t go very long without some kind of physical contact. Now he looks as though the world has turned its back on him and he couldn’t be more lost and alone.

“I’m so afraid to tell you this, Jen, you have no idea,” Jared finally says with a shaky sigh, and Jensen’s eyebrows crease in concern and confusion.

“You know you can tell me anything, Jare. You’ve never had trouble talking to me before.”

“Well, this is different, and, with the reactions I’ve gotten so far, I’m scared shitless.” The look on Jared’s face is pained, and Jensen would give anything to make it go away. “I don’t want to lose you; your friendship means a lot to me.”

“Hey, man, come on, you’re not gonna lose me.” Jensen reassures his friend firmly, trying with all his might to get the other man to look at him, but Jared stubbornly keeps his eyes off in the distance. “Nothing you say could change our friendship, man, you gotta believe that.”

“Do not say things like that when you don’t even know what I’m going to say,” Jared responds lightly before, finally, turning to lock eyes with Jensen’s. Pain clouded eyes meet worried ones and Jensen finds himself silenced; unsure what to say to his friend that he would believe. He truly believes there is nothing Jared could do to turn his back on their friendship, but how do you get a broken man to believe it?

“At least give me the benefit of the doubt,” Jensen finally speaks, holding eyes with Jared; a silent plea within them.

Jared forces his eyes away after a moment with a heavy, drawn out sigh. He gazes down at his hands, which he continuously fiddles with nervously, and opens his mouth to speak. “I came to realize something about myself when I was a teenager, only I knew I had to hide it away because no one would understand, plus I couldn’t quite handle it myself. Some part of me believed that it’d go away with time; that I could push it so far away that it’d simply disappear,” Jared speaks softly, so softly that Jensen has to strain to hear him. “I was wrong.”

Jared falls silent again; an expression of deep pain on his face that Jensen isn’t sure words alone could penetrate and heal. His friend looks like he has lost everything that is important to him, so lost in his own skin that he’s afraid he will never find his way again. Jensen can’t imagine what happened to completely destroy someone who is always smiling and full of laughter. There are no traces of that man in front of him, and Jensen is stricken by it.

“I’m gay, Jensen,” Jared finally gets the words out, sounding as if it physically pained him to do so. “I tried to deny it, fought like hell against it, and told myself it was just a phase. But… I couldn’t hide it anymore, couldn’t lie to myself. I’m gay, and I just have to accept it, ya know. I even decided to embrace it, though I can’t even tell you how hard that was to do.”

Jensen is speechless. Of all the things he expected his friend to tell him, this wasn’t even on the list. It isn’t that he has any problems with it; Jared is still the same person, after all. Besides, it would be kind of hypocritical of him, seeing as he is bi-sexual himself. But he never thought Jared would be attracted to men, especially since he never looked at other guys, and he seemed to be genuinely in love with Sandy. If Jensen would have been asked which of his friends was as straight as a fucking pole, he would have said Jared. _Guess I was totally off base_ , he muses lightly to himself as he carefully watches his friend.

This is unexpected news, he isn’t going to deny that, but he doesn’t see it as the end of the world. Sure, it is tough when you realize something so important about yourself, but you learn to deal with it and then it becomes natural. Jared looks like his life has just ended though, so Jensen thinks it is safe to assume that his family didn’t take the news lightly. _No, they took it hard, and in doing so, they have destroyed their son_ , Jensen thinks angrily to himself, wishing for just a few moments alone with the people who have broken his friend.

Jensen wants Jared to continue, knows that his friend needs to talk about this, but a part of him is afraid to hear what they said to him. Whatever they said though, is inexcusable. They sure as hell can’t use religion as their excuse, because Jensen’s family are as religious as they come and they didn’t react too badly to his confession, at least not to the point of making him feel worthless and unloved. Sure, they had a hard time accepting it at first, but they grew to understand that he is still the same person, and in the end they supported him wholeheartedly.

“I told Sandy first,” Jared continues after a long pause of silence, turning a pained face to stare up at the sky consumed by grey clouds. _Now isn’t that ironic_ , Jensen thinks dryly, _Figures the weather would match the mood of the conversation so perfectly_.

“How did she take it?” Jensen questions quietly. “Were you able to part on good terms and stay friends, at least?”

Jared sighs heavily, shaking his head slowly, and Jensen’s face falls. He had hoped that at least Sandy would have stood by Jared’s side, but it appears that he gave her more credit than she deserves. He realizes he is being unfair to her. After all, it can’t be easy hearing your boyfriend tell you that he is gay. But, still, she should have been a bigger person and settled with friendship. _What am I saying?_ Jensen mentally shakes his head, unable to hold a grudge or any resentment toward Sandy. _I can understand how it would have been difficult for her to accept it and still be Jay’s friend, can’t blame her for it._

“She was hurt, thought I had been using her as a cover the whole time,” Jared says looking so pitiful that Jensen physically aches for the torment his friend is going through. “I tried to tell her that I had truly cared for her at one time, ‘cause it’s the truth, but she had a hard time believing me. She packed all her things in the same day and went to stay with a friend of hers; I haven’t seen or talked to her since.”

“I’m sorry, man; I know how much she meant to you.” Jensen expresses his sympathy, unable to hold back as he places a consoling hand on Jared’s shoulder and squeezes briefly.

“That girl really is important to me, and it kills me to lose her,” Jared admits as a tear slides down his face. _The first of many_ , Jensen shakes his head sadly as he watches his friend steadily fall apart before his eyes. “I never meant to hurt her; I honestly tried to love her the way I was meant to. On some level I did, but I guess it was more of a deep friendship for me, and I can’t blame her for being angry with me.”

Once again the two friends fall into silence, one looking up at the sky while the other stares unseeingly at his hand on his friend’s shoulder. Jensen can feel the tension in his friend, the pain he’s experiencing affecting both body and mind, and he isn’t sure what he could say to Jared that would ease that pain even fractionally. He doesn’t know what it is like to lose the people he cares about, has never had his family turn their backs on him, so what could he possibly say to make his friend feel better when he can‘t even imagine what he is going through?

“Maybe once the hurt eases and she has time to think about things you guys could be friends again,” Jensen finally says after a moment, not too sure if even he believes his own words, but hoping they give his friend a little hope.

“I hope you’re right, but I highly doubt it. You weren’t there, you didn’t see the pain on her face; pain I had caused.” Jared lets out a sigh and moves to wipe away the tears sliding down his cheeks. “Only time will tell though, I guess.”

Jensen mulls over this for a moment. “When did you tell your family?”

Jared’s eyes grow solemner than Jensen thought would be possible, and he runs a hand down the length of his face. Jensen knows that if anyone’s rejection hurt his friend the most, it would be his family. Jared may care deeply for Sandy, but family is forever, they will always be there. _At least, they’re supposed to_ , Jensen thinks sadly.

He turns his head away and stares off into the trees, figuring Jared probably doesn’t appreciate his watchful gaze. Jensen knows he wouldn’t enjoy watchful stares as he internally fell apart, even if it were Jared’s eyes. Laying his hands in his lap, he silently sits beside his friend, offering his presence as comfort, and giving Jared time to gather his thoughts.

“I told them when I went down there for a visit a few weeks ago,” Jared’s voice breaks the stillness between them; startling Jensen. “I told my parents, anyway.”

_Do I even want to know how they reacted?_ Jensen silently questions, knowing nothing good could have come out of their mouths. “What did they say to you, Jay?” Jensen asks almost hesitantly; expecting the worst.

Jared turns pained, tearful eyes onto his friend, and Jensen feels torn as he watches Jared’s lower lip tremble. He has never seen his friend look so broken and fragile. Jared has looked sad ever since they arrived at the cabin, but right now he looks like his dog died. His guard is down and he is allowing Jensen to see into his soul, see the fragmented pieces that have been left behind.

“I never thought they’d react the way that they did. I expected them to have a hard time with it, but I never expected the hatred and resentment. My dad wouldn’t even look at me, said I was a disgrace to the family.” Jared’s has to cover his mouth when a sob escapes, tears falling more rapidly from his watery eyes.

All Jensen can do is stare at Jared with his mouth agape. “He said that to you?” He asks, voice equally bewildered and angry.

Jared nods his head; letting out a humorless laugh. “My mom told me to leave and never come back; that I wasn’t her son anymore and she didn’t want anything to do with me. No matter how much I begged them to give it time, and they’d see that I was the same person I’ve always been, they still turned me away. I knew nothing I said would make them realize that this didn’t have to change anything, so I left that very same day and I know I can’t go back. My own parents don’t want me, are disgusted by me.”

Jensen is shocked by what he is hearing. Sure, he expected what they said to be bad, but hearing the actual words is hard to digest. Jared’s parents have always been so kind and loving, the kind of parents that would do anything for their children. He can’t begin to fathom how such hurtful words could come from their mouths.

“I don’t know how Megan and Jeff feel, I’m sure they know I’m gay by now. They haven’t called me or anything, so I think it’s safe to assume they agree with my parents,” Jared whispers brokenly.

“Oh God, Jay I’m so sorry. I won’t even try to pretend to know what you’re going through, but I can see how horrible you’re feeling, I know this is tearing you apart.” Jensen places a hand on Jared’s shoulder once more, willing his friend to look at him. “They had no right to say those things to you, no matter how they felt about the lifestyle. I’m sure they’ll come to regret it one day, they’ll probably even beg for your forgiveness once they’ve had time to come to terms with this.”

“I know what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it, I really do, but I honestly believe they aren’t going to change their opinions on this. They don’t want me in their lives, and I have no choice but to accept it and try to move on.” Jared gives Jensen a semblance of a smile.

At this moment the sky opens up and begins to shower the earth with wet, cold drops of water. Jensen and Jared sit quietly side by side and watch as the ground becomes saturated as the rain increases steadily. Neither seem to know what else there is to say so they remain in silence, listening to sound of the falling rain as it crashes to earth and collides with anything in its path. The air between them is melancholy and the weather around them just seems to complete it.

“You don’t hate me, do you, Jen?” Jared’s small voice asks suddenly, sounding weak and forlorn, as though afraid he will lose another person close to him.

“What?” Jensen eyes widen in shock as he stares at his friend. “You truly believe…”

“No, you know what, I don’t want to hear your answer right now.” Jared interrupts him firmly. “I don’t think I can handle it right now. In fact, I’d like to be left alone for a while.”

“But, Jay…,” Jensen immediately protests but Jared cuts him off again.

“No! I’m serious, Jen, I can’t deal with this right now,” Jared growls desperately as he jumps to his feet and takes off in a run, quickly disappearing into the woods.

Jensen calls after his friend, yelling out his name and begging him to come back, but Jared doesn’t break his stride. All Jensen wants is to rush after his friend, but a small voice in his head keeps saying to give him space; that he needs this time alone to pull himself back together. Despite how much his heart rejects the idea, Jensen sits back down and keeps his eyes on the distance beyond the trees that Jared disappeared to; desperately hoping that he returns soon.

* * *

Jensen glances at his watch for the millionth time in the last two hours as he paces the floor of the cabin, worry steadily building in his chest. Jared has been gone for too long and he is not in the right state of mind, he could easily get himself lost out in these woods. Jensen is mentally kicking himself now for allowing Jared to run away from him, he knows he should have chased after the distraught man.

He constantly scolds himself, calling himself a bad friend, as he grabs his jacket from where he threw it on the couch. He heads up to Jared’s room and grabs his as well, knowing his friend is probably soaked after taking off into the rain. He scolds himself once more for his decision, he should have known better than to let his friend take off like that, especially because it was raining.

Just as he is rushing down the stairs, the front door opens and a sodden, downhearted Jared steps into the warmth of the cabin. Jensen stops in his tracks, and the jackets in his hand drop to the stairs beneath his feet. The sound captures Jared’s attention and he stares up at Jensen with a sheepish expression, apology in his eyes. Jensen descends the last few stairs to stand in front of his friend, giving him a once over to see what condition he is in.

“You didn’t get lost, did ya?” Jensen finally asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“No,” Jared answers as crimson blossoms on his cheeks. “Just lost track of time, sorry if I worried you.”

“Nah, that’s okay. Though, if you get sick because of your stupidity, I’m so gonna kick your ass,” Jensen teases, still feeling a guilty about letting his friend run off like that and not even attempting to follow.

“Guess I’d deserve it, it’d be my own fault, after all,” Jared responds dryly, rolling his eyes.

Silence befalls the two friends, to which Jensen is starting to hold a grudge against, and he motions for Jared to take a seat on the sofa with him. His friend does so reluctantly, obviously having an idea what conversation awaits him, and Jensen tries to offer him a reassuring smile.

The subject can’t be avoided, no matter how much Jared may want to. Jensen can’t let his friend wonder if he hates him, or has a problem with his sexuality. He needs to know that Jensen would be the last person to have any issues with it. He needs to fess up and tell Jared the one thing he always tried to avoid; Jared needs to know the truth of Jensen’s own sexuality.

_Plus, my confession might help him out, at least he’d know there is someone who understands what it’s like to discover something like that about themselves_ , Jensen reasons in his head as he watches Jared fiddle with his hands, nervously chewing on his lower lip.

“Jay, what I was trying to say to you before you ran off was that I could never hate you. Nothing you tell me could ever change that fact that I’m your friend, okay?” Jensen says softly, making sure that he has Jared’s full attention.

“Even with me being gay,” Jared asks with a self loathing in his voice that Jensen hates to hear.

“I have no problems with you being gay; I’m the _last_ person who would care about that. I accept the times that you act like a two year old hyped up on sugar, so why wouldn‘t I accept this?” Jensen teases lightly, hoping to earn himself a smile.

Jared laughs at this, dimples starkly pronounced, and a shine in his eyes that wasn’t there a moment ago. Jensen is glad to see a little joy coming from his otherwise distressed friend, and when Jared becomes serious again, he is grateful to see that not all of his mirth has diminished.

“Everyone else has been turning their backs on me; I guess I just assumed I’d lose you too,” Jared says, attempting to shrug nonchalantly. “Sorry for doubting you, Jen, but I hope you can understand why I was a little skeptical.”

“I can see how you would be a little worried,” Jensen admits with a nod of his head. “But at least now you know you had nothing to worry about, ‘cause I’m not in the least bothered by your sexuality, and I see you as the same goof you’ve always been.”

“Thank you, glad to know you have nice things to say about me,” Jared responds dryly, the expression on his face sullen.

Jensen laughs at this and pats Jared on the back as he says “Anytime, my friend, anytime,” with a wide smile on his face. Jared rolls his eyes but is seemingly unable to keep a smile off his face as well, all wide and dimpled and _happy_. Jensen is relieved to see his friend looking something other than broken and down on life, now he just hopes he can keep him this joyful. Jared is in need of distraction from his troubles, and the last thing he needs to do is think about the fallout with his family.

What Jensen needs to do is keep his friend occupied so he won’t have time to think about Sandy or his parents and the fact that he doesn’t know how his brother and sister feel. Might not be the easiest task, but Jensen is up to the challenge.

“You know, Jay, I know what it’s like to realize you’re different,” Jensen admits softly, staring straight of him. “I know how tough it can be to accept at first.”

Even though he staring off ahead of him, he can feel the moment Jared turns wide eyes on him. He shifts his head to meet Jared’s eyes, and smiles softly to show that he is serious. Jared’s eyes are so wide it’s almost comical, and he looks so shocked that Jensen can’t help finding it a little amusing. Jared’s acting like he just told him the secret of the universe instead of the true nature of his orientation.

“You’re gay too?” Jared asks after recovering somewhat from his surprise, mouth agape in shock.

“I’m bi, actually, but, yeah, pretty much,” Jensen responds nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “So, I can understand on some level what you’re going through.”

“Why haven’t you ever told me before now?” Jared asks with a frown, a hint of hurt hidden within his eyes. “You had to know I wouldn’t have judged you.”

“I can’t say why I never told you, ‘cause I don’t know the reason. I guess I just never knew _how_ to tell you. I mean, I avoid awkward situations like the plague, as you know.” He laughs as he says this, making Jared smile, albeit small. “I’m telling you now though, and that’s gotta count for something, right?”

“Well, yeah, I’m glad you’ve told me. It’s just a surprise. I never would’ve thought _you’d_ be attracted to men, you just didn’t seem like the type.”

“I thought the same of you.” Jensen smiles then decides to tease his friend a little, unable to resist. “Though, I think I took your news better than you took mine, at least I didn’t show my shock.”

Jared turns crimson at this and socks Jensen on the shoulder, scowling playfully. “Whatever, dude, can’t blame me for being surprised.”

Jensen just smiles and glances down at his watch. “I’m thinking it’s a little late for frozen pizza, especially since I want to eat now. How ‘bout we make a couple of sandwiches and save the pizza for another night?” He suggests.

“Yeah, that will be fine; I’m too hungry to wait too.” Jared replies as they both rise from the couch and head into the kitchen.

* * *

After having a bite to eat, Jensen and Jared climb the stairs with one destination in mind: their beds. They have had a rather exhausting day, especially Jared, and all they want is to get some much needed sleep. Jensen reaches his bedroom first, and bids Jared goodnight before heading into the room and shutting the door behind him.

He releases a groan once he is alone and looks longingly at the bed that will be his for two weeks. His body is still aching from the car ride to the cabin and his contacts are making his eyes itch. All in all, he is feeling pretty crappy at the moment. He is entertaining the thought of sleeping in tomorrow, no matter what Jared may say about it.

Unable to wait much longer, Jensen tugs his shirt over his head and removes his jeans; dropping them to the floor next to the bed to be put away in the morning. Pulling the blanket down on the bed he frowns in dismay when his hand contacts wet fabric. He pulls it further down and growls in frustration when he sees that the sheets are completely wet as well. He doesn’t even have to look to know that the water has bled through to the mattress, meaning he won’t be sleeping in here tonight.

Jensen raises his eyes to the ceiling and scowls when he finds the source of the water now covering his bed. The ceiling had started leaking as the rain grew heavier. Growling once more, Jensen grabs one of the pillows before thrusting the door to his room open and moving over to the linen closet. He pulls out a blanket, which smells as musty as the others within the closet, and heads downstairs.

Throwing the pillow down onto the sofa, he lays the blanket to cover the length of it and then promptly lies down. He lays there for sometime before grumbling unhappily at the lump in the middle of the sofa that is making his back ache. He tries to smooth the lump out, but the attempt is futile. The sofa isn’t all that comfortable to begin with, and that damn lump in the middle, attacking his back, just makes it worse.

He closes his eyes in exasperation when he hears a laugh coming from directly above him. He opens them a moment later and glares up at his friend. Jared just shakes his head in amusement when Jensen tells him that the sofa sucks and should be burned immediately.

“I could’ve told you that already,” Jared laughs at Jensen’s misery, making the older man glare heatedly. “Why are you sleeping out here, anyway?”

“Damn ceiling leaked in my room and now my bed is all wet.” Jensen pouts, too tired and miserable to care that he‘s acting like a child.

Jared rolls his eyes. “Stop being a baby. Now, come on, you can share my bed with me for the night.”

“Uh, no thanks Jay, I’ll deal with the couch.”

“Don’t be such a wuss, Jen; it won’t kill you to share a bed with me. Besides, it’ll be a lot more comfortable than what you’re currently laying on.” Jared pats the sofa for emphasis as he says this.

“Seriously, I’m fine out here.” Jensen persists stubbornly.

“Fine, suit yourself, but don’t complain to me when you wake up with your back aching.” Jared quips as he retreats to the stairs and heads back up to his room.

Jensen just lies there, staring up at the ceiling; intent on not proving Jared right. He doesn’t need to share Jared’s bed when the sofa will work just as well. Sure, it isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, but he can manage for one night. At least, that is what he keeps telling himself, repeatedly.

However, when the lump in the sofa begins to grate on his nerves, he knows he won’t last the night. Not unless he wants to be tossing and turning all night; getting no sleep whatsoever. Plus, he knows all he will give himself is back pain in the morning, and even his pride isn’t worth _that_.

So, begrudgingly, Jensen rises from the couch and reluctantly makes his way up the stairs. Without even knocking, since he is pretty sure Jared is expecting him and just aching to be a smug bastard about being right, he enters the dark room and makes his way over to the unoccupied side of the bed. To his surprise, Jared doesn’t say a word as he climbs under the covers and settles on his side facing away from his friend.

All is silent within the room as the two friends wait for their dreams to take them away from reality. The bed is warm and as comfortable as Jared said it was, which Jensen is grateful for. With the comfort and warmth of the bed, it won’t take much for him to drift off to sleep.

“Jen,” Jared’s voice breaks the stillness of the room.

“Yeah,” Jensen grumbles sleepily.

“What finally gave you the courage to tell your family that you weren’t exactly straight?”

Jensen is surprised by the question, but is able to mask it in the darkness. “I had this pretty serious relationship with this guy, my first and only boyfriend, in fact. We both didn't want to hide our relationship from our families, I especially didn't since I have to hide that part of myself from the whole world, ya know. Anyways, that’s what prompted me to tell them the truth.”

Jared is silent for a moment, obviously mulling this over. “How did they take it?” He asks quietly.

“They had a hard time with it at first. It took them awhile to get used to the idea, come to terms with the fact that I was in a relationship with a man. My family is very religious, as you know, so it was hard on them. They eventually grew to accept it though, said they wanted me to be happy and it didn’t matter _who_ made me happy just so long as I was. They were actually pretty cool about it.”

“You're lucky,” Jared whispers with a hint of sadness in his voice. “I wish my family were as cool about it as yours.”

Jensen rolls over to face Jared and watches him intently in the darkness, silently observing his friend for a moment. “What gave you the courage to finally be yourself and tell your parents the truth?”

Even in the darkness Jensen can tell that Jared is blushing, not so much ‘cause he can see it but by the way his friend is looking at him. “I fell in love,” he admits quietly, lowering his eyes so he isn’t looking into Jensen’s. “This person doesn’t know I love him, and I _highly_ doubt anything will come of my feelings for him, but at that moment I knew I couldn’t continue lying to everyone anymore. ‘Cause while things probably won’t work out with this guy, they might with the next guy I meet, and I didn’t want to hide it from anyone that I care about. A relationship can’t possibly work when you hide it from the people your closest to, especially when the one you're with will want to meet your family and become a part of it.”

“Who did you fall in love with, do I know him? And why do you think he won’t return your feelings?” Jensen inquires curiously, lifting up onto his elbow and resting his head on the palm on his hand.

“Jen, you’re my best friend, and I’d usually tell you everything, but there are some things you just want to keep to yourself; the identity of the person I love is one of them,” Jared replies lightly, a soft sadness in his eyes. “Maybe one day I’ll tell you, but I’d like to keep it to myself for the time being.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever you want, man,” Jensen says, lifting his hands in surrender before lying back down. “I’m here if you ever want to talk about him though.”

Jared’s expression grows more somber, which confuses and concerns Jensen, but he knows better than to question his friend. _He wouldn’t tell me, anyway_ , Jensen tells himself as he watches Jared roll away from him and settle down to wait for sleep.

* * *

\- One Week Later -

Jensen drops down onto the sofa in the living room and flips open the lid of the grape tomatoes in his hand, popping one into his mouth. Juicy sweetness explodes on his tongue, and he smiles out of pure pleasure. He knows it is probably weird to love these small tomatoes as much as he does, but he doesn’t care. He can eat a whole container of them by himself, and is stingy enough to refuse to share. He grew up eating them, would sit down next to his mom at the kitchen table and she would share them with him. Strange as it may be, but that is one of his fondest childhood memories. He used to love those moments with his mom because he always felt like that was their special time together; the one thing she did with him alone.

He tears his eyes away from the container in his lap when Jared bursts into the room and flops down beside him. His friend stares at him for a moment, seemingly contemplating something, and then he reaches out and snatches up a handful of grape tomatoes. Jensen glares at this action, and Jared laughs in amusement as he pops three tomatoes into his mouth at once, moaning exaggeratedly and licking his lips obscenely.

Jensen rolls his eyes in feigned disgust and turns away from his friend, muttering “Could you be any ruder,” under his breath. Jared pretends to contemplate this for a moment before swiftly snatching up the container and rushing to his feet. Jensen growls in frustration before advancing on his friend, demanding that he give him the tomatoes back. Jared laughs gleefully, shaking his head in refusal and holding the container high above his head so it is out of Jensen’s reach.

“Dude, stop being so childish and give them back,” Jensen snaps, attempting to retrieve his stolen food and failing horribly.

_It is times like these that I hate how freakishly tall he is_ , Jensen groans in his head as Jared effectively thwarts all his attempts at reaching the tomatoes.

“Not my fault you can’t reach them, shorty,” Jared taunts playfully, smile stretched from ear to ear.

Jensen lunges at his friend, but Jared side steps and rushes out of the cabin. Jensen growls as he watches Jared open the container as he runs, popping tomatoes into his mouth and making sure Jensen sees. Jared laughs heartily the moment Jensen gives up on being the mature one and chases after him.

He spouts off insults and curses as Jared continues to empty the container in his hands, making a show out of it to torture Jensen. As soon as he is within reaching distance however, he lunges once more, and manages to tackle Jared to the ground. Jared goes down hard and neither man seems to notice the container colliding to the earth, tomatoes tumbling to the ground.

Jensen wrestles Jared to the ground only for his friend to maneuver them until Jensen is pinned beneath him. Jensen doesn’t give up without a fight however, hooking a leg over Jared’s hip and using all his strength to throw him over onto his back. One minute Jensen is straddling Jared, attempting to pin him to the ground, and the next he finds himself beneath the giant he calls his friend. They end up rolling around on the ground, neither staying in control for long.

A huff of air is forced from Jensen’s lungs when his back collides with the trunk of a tree and he has nowhere else to go; trapped between the bark of the tree and Jared’s unyielding body. He raises his eyes to find a wide, satisfied smirk on his friend’s face and throws a glare onto his own face. He has lost, and he knows this, but that doesn’t mean he has to admit or be happy about it.

“You wouldn’t have pinned me if this tree hadn’t gotten in the way.” He points out and Jared just smiles wider. _Didn’t think that was possible_ , Jensen thinks wryly.

“Admit it, Jen, I pinned you fair and square.”

“Never,” Jensen responds stubbornly, and he would have crossed his arms over his chest if he had enough room to move them.

“You’ve always been such a sore loser,” Jared laughs as he releases Jensen and they both sit up, breathing heavily.

Jensen takes in the sight of Jared, mud caked to his hair and clothing, and laughs at the state they are both in. It rained again last night, like it has been doing almost from the moment they arrived at the cabin, and now they are both covered from head to toe in mud. He knows they have just acted like two overgrown kids, but he can’t deny that he had an awesome time wrestling with his friend. Jared always manages to make him feel younger than he is, and he loves him for it.

The look Jared is giving him is sheepish with a spark of barely concealed joy. He enjoyed it just as much as Jensen did, but, then again, Jensen already suspected that he would. Jared is a big kid like that, and Jensen would never want him to change, because that is one of the things he likes about his friend. He always has a lot of fun with Jared, possibly more than with any of his other friends, and he suspects that is why he gets along with the younger man so well. Their personalities just compliment one another. While Jensen is reserved most of the time, Jared has a way of bringing out a side of him that even he never realized he had.

Jared easily rises to his feet and offers his hand down for Jensen. He takes the proffered hand and moves, a little less gracefully, to stand as well. He freezes in place when he sees how close he is to his friend, lips inches apart. Jared’s eyes flash with something too fleeting for Jensen to catch, but he can swear he can see heat in his friend’s gaze. He cannot even begin to believe that Jared is looking at _him_ in such a way though. It is just stupid for him to even entertain the idea, because Jared certainly isn’t attracted to him, of all people. Besides, Jared confessed to him that he is in love with someone, so there is no way Jared would look upon him with desire.

_I have to be reading him wrong_ , Jensen tells himself as he stares at his friend, afraid to move an inch. _But what if I’m not?_

He briefly wonders what would happen if he closed the distance between them; what kissing Jared would be like. He instantly berates himself for it though. _Jared is my best friend; I shouldn’t think that way about him_ , he scolds himself.

Jared seems to snap out of whatever daze they have found themselves in and takes an immediate step back, smiling a little awkwardly; sheepishly. He motions with a shake of his thumb over his shoulder, indicating they head back into the cabin and Jensen follows behind him silently; afraid if he speaks he will say something he shouldn’t. He glances pitifully at the soiled tomatoes on the ground, and reaches down to gather them back into their container to be thrown away.

The moment they enter the cabin, Jared says he is going to take a shower, and then he disappears up the stairs. Jensen stares at the spot he vacated for a moment before shaking his head and silently telling himself not to dwell on what just happened, it hadn’t meant anything.

He stops in the kitchen to throw away the container before heading upstairs to gather some clean clothes for his own shower.

* * *

“I was thinking we should go out tonight, they have a small bar in town that we could go to after we have something to eat,” Jared suggests as he enters the kitchen where Jensen is seated at the table, all earlier tension having finally eased away.

“Yeah that sounds like a good idea, would be nice to shoot a few games of pool and maybe throw some darts.”

“I didn’t really feel like staying in tonight, there’s really only so much we can do here, and then I remembered the little bar in town that my dad and brother used to go to,” Jared explains as he grabs a steak and a pack of hamburger from the fridge. “Besides, I could go for a beer tonight as well, so the bar has everything we need.”

“I already told you it sounded like a good plan; you don’t need to talk me into it anymore,” Jensen laughs as he leads the way to the backyard where the grill is set up.

As Jared passes the counter by the back door, he pauses to flip on the radio and tune it into the country station. Pleased with the song that is playing, he makes his way over to the grill and begins placing the meat upon it. Jensen slumps down onto one of the patio chairs, kicking his feet up onto the table.

Once Jared is done at the grill, he heads back into the cabin without so much as a word to Jensen. When he returns it is with a bag of potatoes in his hand and the kitchen garbage can. He sits both down in front of Jensen, a determined spark in his eyes as he tells him to start peeling them for the mashed potatoes that _he_ will be preparing. A sarcastic remark is on the tip of Jensen’s tongue, but in the end he decides he doesn’t really mind making this portion of their meal, at least he doesn’t have grill duty.

Jared takes a seat across from him at the table, and they sit in comfortable silence as Jensen peels the potatoes for their dinner. He seems to have something on his mind, but Jensen decides not to pressure his friend into talking to him, figuring Jared will come to him when he is ready.

“Just out of curiosity, what ever happened with your boyfriend?” Jared asks suddenly, startling Jensen in the process.

Jensen shrugs nonchalantly at the question. “Don’t know what to tell ya, things just didn’t work out. He wasn’t an actor or anything like that; I met him in Dallas during a visit with my family. He wanted more than I could give, so we decided to end it before things got too bad. It was basically a mutual decision.”

“What did he want that you couldn’t give him?” Jared asks softly, watching Jensen intently.

“He wanted to go out in public with me as my boyfriend; he was tired of having to hide how he felt for me. He wanted what normal couples have, and I couldn’t blame him either.” A wry smile forms on Jensen’s face as he stares down at the potato he is peeling. “A normal relationship is what he deserved; only, I couldn’t give that to him.”

“That must’ve really hurt you, to let him go like that,” Jared says out of sympathy.

Jensen laughs, but there is no humor in the sound. “It definitely wasn’t pleasant.”

“I can understand where you were coming from though,” Jared says after a moment of silent contemplation. “Our lives aren’t exactly normal, and we can’t have what regular couples have. We have to be careful of what we do and say in public. I can see how that would‘ve been hard on this guy, but I also know personally what position you were in.”

Jensen nods, silently thinking about the past. He then shakes his head to clear it, and offers Jared a small smile. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Jared asks in clear confusion.

“Have you ever been with a guy?” Jensen clarifies.

“I’ve been with a couple guys, but I’ve never been in a relationship,” Jared admits with crimson flooding his cheeks. “It was kind of hard to start a relationship when I was too damn afraid of it. I mean, I was afraid of how everyone would react; I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

_Guess you were justified in believing that_ , Jensen acknowledges solemnly, thinking about the way everyone that Jared cares about reacted. “You think after everything settles down you’ll be ready to have a relationship; won’t be afraid anymore?”

A small smile crawls onto Jared’s face as he thinks about this. “Yeah,” he responds softly, turning to lock eyes with Jensen once more. “Yeah, I think I will be ready. I’d like to, ya know, if I met someone I really like.”

“What about this guy you’re in love with? Have you told him that you’re gay?”

Jensen watches as a soft expression comes to his friend’s eyes, a quiet yearning. “He knows, and he was actually really cool about it. I never expected him to react the way he did, he totally accepts me for who I am.”

“How do you know he doesn’t feel the same way about you?”

“I don’t, not really, but I’m afraid to tell him. I mean, what if it ruins our friendship? Sure, he could feel something for me, eventually, but I’m afraid I may never know. He means too much to me, ya know, and I’m not willing risk his friendship,” Jared responds almost regretfully.

“I dunno, maybe you should just tell him how you feel. You never know, he may surprise you,” Jensen tries to offer his friend some hope; a little courage. “Besides, what if he feels the same way for you? Wouldn’t you like to find out if there is a chance rather than possibly pass the opportunity by and regret it later?”

“I’d give anything for him to love me like I love him, but I’m willing to settle with his friendship. I _can’t_ lose him, Jen, it would kill me. His friendship’s too important to me… I dunno, I guess I’m just gonna have to find a way to get over him, even if I don’t want to.”

Silence befalls the two friends once more as they think about everything that was said. Jensen wishes he could say something, anything to make his friend feel better, but any words he finds don’t seem quite adequate. He wants to tell Jared that this guy is obviously an idiot, that if he turned his back on their friendship because of something like love, then he isn’t good enough for Jared. He suspects that this would anger his friend though, so he keeps his mouth shut.

He can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to be with Jared, because the younger man is one of the nicest people he knows. Jared has many great qualities, he is kind hearted and reminds Jensen of an overgrown puppy. Anyone would be lucky to be with him, and he can’t help thinking that this guy Jared’s in love with doesn’t know what he has; is too blind to see what is in front of him.

Jensen also can’t help resenting this guy a little as well, ‘cause he is unwittingly putting his best friend through so much pain that the younger man doesn’t deserve.

* * *

Jared pulls the Ford Focus into the parking lot of a small bar called ‘the Tavern’, and shuts off the engine. Jensen inspects the small, wooden building from his spot in the passenger seat and inwardly decides that it seems like a decent place. Unbuckling their seat belts, they step out of the vehicle and lock it up behind them; Jared setting the alarm.

A combination of cigarette smoke and sweat assaults Jensen’s nose the moment he steps inside the old building that has seen better days and he tries not to appear as disgusted as he is feeling. Glancing in Jared’s direction, he feels a bit better to see that his friend is feeling the same way, only, Jared has no problems making his disgust known as he scrunches up his nose and his lips.

Jensen can’t stop himself from letting out a soft laugh as he pats Jared on the back, and maneuvers him in the direction of the bar. A toughened brunette sidles up to them, tattoos running the length of each arm, and she leans on the bar as she asks for their order. They both decide on beer, and she seems relieved that weren’t the kind to order something she has to mix. She passes them each a beer without so much as a glance before making her way to the other end of the bar where a gruff, older man sits.

Not in the least put off by the bartender’s rudeness, Jensen and Jared make their way to a secluded section of the bar and plop down at a table. The bar is fairly crowded for a Friday night, men and women alike scattered throughout the small place. Jensen silently observes that this is one of the hot spots in town, which he can’t help finding amusing since there is nothing special about the place. It is actually kind of run down and too small for such a crowd, much less breathing room. But the place holds a friendly atmosphere that anyone would be attracted to, a place anyone could be able to unwind after a long and stressful day.

“Did you come here with your dad and brother, too?” Jensen asks as he turns his attention to his friend sitting across from him, whom is staring down into his bottle of beer.

Jared startles out of whatever reverie he found himself in and raises his questioning eyes. Before Jensen can repeat his question Jared seems to catch on to what Jensen asked him and shakes his head. “Nah, I never really wanted to whenever we came up here. When I turned twenty-one they offered for me to tag along, but I always chose to stay behind with my mom and Megan. I always figured I‘d get the chance to someday, but…”

Jared trails off and Jensen instantly knows what he is thinking about; what the end of that sentence is. He figures he will never get the chance to now, and maybe he’s right. _I guess time can only tell_ , he says silently as he tries to find a way to change the subject.

“Come on, man, lets play a game of pool, there’s a free table over there,” Jensen says, pointing over Jared’s shoulder to the pool table a few feet away.

Jared seems grateful for the change of topic, smiling softly as he stands and they head over to the vacant pool table. Setting their beers on a table nearby, they each grab a pool stick and Jared busies himself by racking the balls. Jensen leans against the table as he waits for Jared and glances up to see a tall blonde watching them, or, more specifically, watching Jared. The guy averages around Jensen’s height, with startling blue eyes and broad shoulders.

Jensen is unnerved by the stare directed at his friend, though he can’t say why, since the guy is staring at Jared in obvious interest. There is nothing threatening about the blonde, so Jensen can’t understand why he feels the need to be protective over his friend.

Jensen quickly looks away in embarrassment when the guy swivels his eyes to meet his head on. He hates being caught staring, no matter the reason. He decides to try his best to ignore the blonde stranger and focus on the game, silently vowing to beat Jared.

“Well, you ready to lose, Jen?” Jared asks cockily as he straightens once more and rests a palm on the top of his pool stick.

“No, but I’m ready to gloat when I kick your ass.” Jensen smirks as he nudges Jared out of the way and bends to line up the white ball where he wants it.

Jensen ends up pocketing two solids, leaving Jared with stripes. He makes two more shots before missing the next one and leaving the table to take a swig of his beer, while Jared moves over to the table to take his turn.

“Man, it’s been a while since we’ve had the chance to unwind and play a couple of games of pool. I was starting to miss it.” Jared laughs as he bends right in Jensen’s line of vision to take a shot.

Jensen turns his head away, blushing crimson, though he doesn’t know why. “I know what you mean, seems all we’ve had time for lately is work.”

“One, or both, of us should break down and buy one of these, that way we could play whenever we felt like it,” Jared suggests as he pockets the eight ball, turning around with a smug smile.

Jensen rolls his eyes good-naturedly and moves to rack for another game. “Sounds like a good idea to me, and since we spend so much time at your place, you should be the one to buy it.”

“Whatever,” Jared rolls his own eyes in response as he picks up his abandoned beer. “That just means you get to buy the dart board.”

Jensen laughs when he hears this. “Dude, I already have one of those, remember?”

A sheepish smile crosses Jared’s face. “That’s right, sorry, I forgot. In my defense, however, you haven’t hung it back up since you moved, so it’s not my fault for forgetting.”

“Whatever makes you feel better, Jay,” Jensen responds, hiding an amused smile from his friend.

They end up playing five more games, three of which Jensen won, before he heads off to the bathroom; leaving Jared to rack up the balls for one last game. Once he returns, he stops off by the bar to buy them another round of beers, as was the agreement before they played that last round of pool. Just as before, the bartender pays him scarce attention; going so far as to appear annoyed that he bugged her.

_What a bitch_ , Jensen says quietly as he silently glares at the rude woman.

Before Jensen reaches his friend, he stops dead in his tracks, beer bottles held tightly in his hands, and narrows his eyes when he sees that blonde guy from earlier standing next to Jared. _He’s standing too close_ , his mind supplies for him, and he nearly rears back in surprise. Jensen isn’t stupid, he knows jealousy when he feels it. What he can’t understand is _why_ he is jealous. Jared is his friend, he shouldn’t be jealous when another guy is talking to him.

The sight still bothers him nonetheless, and there is nothing he can do about it. Jared is smiling that dimpled smile, and laughing like him and the blonde guy are the best of buds. And Jensen certainly isn’t missing how the guy keeps finding reasons to touch Jared’s arm.

Removing the frown from his face, and trying to appear as casual as he can muster, Jensen approaches his friend and hands him the beer he got. Jared smiles his thanks while the blonde eyes him unnervingly.

“Jen, this is Brett, I met him the last time I came here,” Jared introduces them in that gleeful way of his. “Brett, this is my best friend, Jensen.”

“Nice to meet you,” Brett says politely, but Jensen can tell he isn’t happy with his presence.

“You too,” Jensen responds in kind, eyeing the guy with suspicion.

“Uh, can I talk to you for a second?” Jared asks with pleading eyes, and Jensen simply nods his head, a feeling in his gut telling him that he isn’t going to like what he’s about to hear.

Jared grabs a hold of his arm and leads him a few feet away, out of hearing distance. Jensen eyes his friend curiously as Jared glances back at Brett, a nervous yet hopeful expression on his face. Jensen doesn’t know what is going through his friend’s head right now, but the expression on his face is anything but reassuring to Jensen.

“Dude, you gonna start talkin’ any time soon?” Jensen asks with a light laugh, trying to ease the tension in the air between them.

“Well, you see, Brett just asked me before you walked up if I wanted to come back to his place with him tonight. We’ve always kinda had a crush on each other, but… well; you know how I felt about my sexuality back then.” Jared blushes as he explains; Jensen feels like there is something lodged in his throat, and he can feel his stomach drop at the path their conversation is headed.

“So you want to take him up on his offer,” Jensen finishes for Jared, trying to keep his voice steady and devoid of any emotion besides nonchalance.

Jared sighs; looking at Jensen with a pitiful look on his face. “I know that makes me sound like a gigantic slut, but, yeah I do. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance with him, since I totally blew the first one.”

Jensen nods his head slowly, absorbing the information and feeling the knot in his stomach tightening. “Uh huh,” he says quietly.

“I know this is really shitty of me since I asked you to come here with me and now I want to ditch you for the night. I know I’m not being the best friend right now, but I _really_ want to do this, Jen,” Jared says in a pleading tone, those puppy eyes trying to win Jensen over.

“No, it’s fine, don’t even worry about me. Go ahead and leave with him if you want to.”

“Are you sure?” Jared asks, unsure. “I won’t go if you don’t want me to. I’d never ditch you like that for some guy; you gotta know that. We can play some more pool and then head back to the cabin.”

“Don’t be stupid, Jay,” Jensen chides lightly, though it feels like a storm is raging on in his stomach; making him nauseous. “Seriously, go with him if you want to, I’m not gonna keep you from getting laid, man.”

That wide, dimpled smile appears on Jared’s face instantly, and he pulls Jensen in for a hug. “I’m gonna make this up to you, I promise,” he says enthusiastically as he pulls away.

“Damn straight you will!” Jensen responds with a mock glare on his face, though he is not taking this as lightly as he wants Jared to believe.

Jared smiles once more as he retrieves the car keys from his jeans pocket and holds them out for Jensen to take. Jensen looks down at his friend’s outstretched hand for a second before pushing it away with a look of disbelief directed at Jared, whom just shrugs nonchalantly.

“I’m not taking those.” Jensen shakes his head determinedly.

Jared rolls his eyes at this, making Jensen have the sudden urge to slap him. “Don’t be stupid, you need a way back to the cabin and I can get a ride with Brett, it’s not a big deal. He doesn’t live far from us either, so I can get a ride back in the morning.” Jared tries to persuade him; smiling compellingly.

Jensen is torn; he doesn’t like the idea of Jared getting in Brett’s car and basically being stranded at some strange guy's house. Jared may have met the blonde before tonight, but he can’t know _that_ much about him and he certainly can’t say he trusts the guy. Hell, Jensen doesn’t trust him! _He’s practically a stranger_ , he screams in his mind.

“Look, Jay, can you just humor me, here? I would feel a hell of a lot better if I knew you had the car with you, so you can get outta there in case things don’t go the way you want them to,” Jensen practically pleads with his friend; praying he listens to reason. “You said yourself that he lives close by, so you could drop me off first and then drive the car to his place. I mean, what could it hurt? Please, Jay, just do this one thing for me.”

Jared grows quiet as he contemplates what he should do. He studies his friend silently as Jensen continues to plead with his eyes. “Alright Jen, if it’ll make you more comfortable, I’ll drop you off and take the car.”

Jensen releases an obvious sigh of relief and offers Jared a small, grateful smile. “Thanks… that would really make me feel a lot better.”

A half smile lifts Jared’s lips, understanding in his eyes, and then he heads over to Brett to inform him of the situation. Jensen watches them from afar for a moment, the knot in his stomach tightening a little more at the way Jared is smiling at the blonde. Forcing his eyes away, Jensen lets out a sigh as he heads outside to wait for his friend.

* * *

Jensen climbs out of the vehicle, though his mind is screaming at him to climb back in and demand that Jared follow him, and he bends down so he can see Jared sitting in the driver’s seat. Reaching in through the open window, Jensen takes the front door key from his friend’s outstretched hand and tries to keep a light smile on his face. The expression on Jared’s face is full blown beaming, causing Jensen’s breath to catch in his throat.

“Have good time; I’ll see you in the morning,” he forces himself to say, and Jared nods in return.

Jensen steps back from the vehicle as Jared puts it in reverse and eases back toward the main road. He watches his friend drive away, the car kicking up dust, and allows the light smile to fall from his lips. A sigh escapes as he stands stock still in front of the porch stairs; feeling strangely depressed and wishing Jared would turn back around.

_I’m being stupid_ , he tells himself as he forces himself to head into the cabin. _Jared has obviously wanted this for some time now, and I should be happy for him._

* * *

 

Pushing the front door closed behind him, Jensen leans all of his weight against it as another sigh in the past half hour escapes his lips; thumping his head against the unforgiving wood three times in a row. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, once again telling himself how stupid he’s being. He really doesn’t know why he should be so upset that Jared is out with a guy he likes. _A guy he hardly knows_ , his mind supplies for him.

He thinks it is rather stupid to be feeling so depressed about this, he certainly didn’t feel this way when Jared was with Sandy. He knows the fact that he’s upset and utterly jealous is unjustified, and he can’t help feeling like the worst friend on the planet. He should be happy for Jared, but instead he’s moping like a spoiled five year old.

_Maybe it’s the fact that he went home with a guy he barely knows, he’s going to sleep with some guy who is basically a stranger_ , Jensen says to himself, trying to understand his odd emotions. _No, that wouldn’t explain why I’m so depressed._

Releasing a groan, Jensen opens his eyes and looks around the cabin. The place feels so big and empty without Jared running around; it just makes Jensen feel worse and more alone. His selfish mind keeps saying that his friend should be here, with him. He knows how utterly ridiculous he is being, but he just can’t seem to stop. Though he doesn’t understand it, he doesn’t like the fact that Jared is out with Brett, and he just needs to accept this.

Finally moving away from the door, Jensen heads into the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge. Before shutting the door however, he contemplates drinking something stronger. He could certainly use it with how down he has become. Coming to a decision, he places the beer back in the fridge and pulls a bottle of vodka from the cupboard.

Trudging back the way he came, boot clad feet sliding against the hardwood floor like they are laden down with lead, he heads into the living room and throws his body down onto the sofa. Opening the bottle in his hands, he takes a healthy swig of it and winces as it burns down his throat; releasing a few heavy coughs.

“God, Jensen, you are being a moron,” he chides himself with a humorless laugh. “What do you care if Jared sleeps with someone he hardly knows?”

The silence in the room seems deafening, Jensen is sure he could hear a pin drop. Pushing his boots off, he pulls his feet up underneath him and rests an elbow on the back of the sofa; propping his chin up with the palm of his hand. He stares off into nothing as he raises the bottle to his lips once more; only coughing slightly this time. Silently, he wonders if Jared has arrived at Brett’s place yet. _I hope you’re having a better time than I am_ , he thinks sarcastically, but the look on his face expresses misery.

He frowns when he reluctantly thinks about what they are probably doing about now, and he physically shakes his head in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts. They come unbidden however, and only manage to torment him further. He hates the thought of Brett touching Jared in any way, much less _that_ way. He doesn’t think the blonde deserves his friend, because he knows Brett isn‘t offering any more than one night, and in Jensen’s mind Jared deserves the best.

“He shouldn’t settle for being some meaningless one night stand when he could have a satisfying relationship instead,” he says to the empty room.

_You say that like you are the one who can give him such a relationship_ , a little voice in his head sneers.

Jensen’s eyes widen when he acknowledges the gravity of those unspoken words; realizing how true they are. He doesn’t know how he was so blind before, how he didn’t notice he was falling in love with his best friend.

“I’ve been in love with him for a long time now,” he says aloud with something akin to astonishment in his tone.

Thinking back on the moment he met Jared, and all the days leading up to now, he can easily recall how his heart would beat faster whenever his friend smiled at him; how his own smiles hadn’t been as bright and genuine until he got to know Jared better. He always gladly dropped whatever he was doing whenever Jared called and asked if he wanted to hang out. There were even many times when he’d stare at Jared with an emotion coursing through his veins that, at the time, he never wanted to identify. He knows now that affection was the emotion he never wanted to acknowledge. Not to mention, those touches Jared likes to bestow upon him so often, he actually looked forward to them when he usually isn’t a fan of such things.

He knows why he never had a problem with Sandy, as well. He always believed that Jared was straight and truly in love with Sandy; he figured he had no chance with the gentle giant. Now, however, he knows differently. Sandy isn’t in the picture anymore, obviously, so he still has no problems with the petite woman. Other guys, on the other hand, he does have a problem with. He doesn’t enjoy watching Jared go out with other guys because he wants to _be_ the guy he’s out with. He could possibly have a shot with Jared now, so the mere thought of his friend with another guy just doesn‘t sit well with him.

A huff of a sigh rushes out of Jensen when a thought occurs to him; dropping his head into the crook of his arm. _Jared’s in love with someone, I **still** don’t have a chance with him_, he reminds himself miserably.

“Was stupid of me to even begin to think he would want to be with me, he only considers me as a friend.” Jensen shakes his head as though ashamed of himself, smiling a self-pitying smile. “What I wouldn’t give to be the moron he’s in love with though.”

Right now Jensen feels like kicking and screaming like a two year old; cursing the fact that unrequited love exists. Everything was so much easier when he was oblivious to his own feelings, being unaware is better than dealing with the pain acknowledgement brings. Plus, he doesn’t know how he will look Jared in the eye after this without fear of his true feelings shining through his eyes.

_Guess I know how Jay feels now_ , he thinks ironically, frown marring his features. _He’s in love with a friend and is afraid of ruining their friendship, and now I find myself in the same exact situation._

Now he desperately wishes Jared would tell him who this ‘friend’ is that he is so in love with. He shakes his head at his own stupidity when he entertains the thought that maybe _he_ is the one Jared loves so much. He knows he shouldn’t even allow himself to hope for such a thing, it would just tear him apart to learn the identity of the person Jared _really_ harbors such strong emotions for.

_Besides, the guy Jay loves is an idiot since he can’t see what he has in front of him; doesn’t see how much he means to Jared. I’m no moron, I’m sure I would notice something **that** important_ , he reasons in his head; feeling pretty confident.

A high pitched scream rushes out from Jensen’s lungs when he feels something crawl into his lap, feet touching his arm. He flings the rodent off of him and jumps up from the sofa, nearly tripping over the coffee table in his rush to get away. Jensen watches, wide-eyed, as the rat quickly jumps down from the couch and scurries back into its hole. Jensen just stares at the small hole near the floor in the wall, heart racing madly in his chest, and breath coming out in panicked pants.

After the initial shock and fright wears off, Jensen bursts into near hysterical laughter; inwardly calling himself a coward and thanking the lord that Jared hadn’t been there to witness it. _I never would’ve heard the end of it_ , Jensen thinks fondly.

Reluctant to sit back down on the sofa, irrational fear of the rat returning, Jensen takes his bottle of Vodka upstairs with him, turning off all the lights downstairs. He heads into his designated room and flips on the light as he passes it. Flopping down onto the mattress, he leans his back against the headboard and turns his head up to stare at the ceiling. He silently contemplates reading for a while just to focus his mind on something other than Jared, where Jared currently is, and his feelings for the younger man.

Mind made up, he strips down to his boxers and his t-shirt before grabbing his book and sitting down once more. Just as he opens the book to the current chapter he has yet to read, however, he hears the front door opening downstairs. His heart starts beating wildly in his chest when he silently wracks his brain for any memory of locking the door when he came in, and his eyes widen when he realizes he hadn’t. Inwardly cursing himself for his own stupidity, his eyes sweep over the room for any kind of weapon he can use as protection and curses, aloud, when he finds nothing out in the open.

His breath catches in his throat when he hears footsteps on the stairs; panic rushing through his veins. Thinking quick, Jensen grabs the nearest lap and inches his way toward the bedroom door. He listens carefully for any footsteps, and nearly has a heart attack when he detects them close by. _It’s okay, you’re not weak, you can defend yourself just fine_ , he coaches himself almost desperately.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, and gather whatever courage he can find, he wrenches the door open and swings the lamp at the dark figure to the left of him. The person dodges out of the way and raises his hands, whether it is in an attempt to talk or attack, Jensen isn’t sure, and isn’t willing to find out. He swings the lamp once more, with a little more force than he intended, and this gives the intruder the opportunity to grab him from behind; effectively locking his arms at his side.

Jensen isn’t going down without a fight though, as he struggles with all his strength; attempting to push his attacker into the opposite wall. A groan leaves the body behind him as the man’s back hits the wall with force, clearly knocking the wind out of him, but his hold around Jensen’s waist doesn’t loosen like he had hoped.

Jensen's next attempt is to squirm his arm out of the man’s grasp, so he can elbow him in the gut. The unidentified intruder pushes all his strength against Jensen’s smaller frame though, and they stumble into the bedroom. Moments later Jensen finds himself with a face full of comforter; a wet spot forming under his mouth as he screams curses at his attacker. The man rests his weight upon him though, and he is unable to move much.

Hot breath hits the side of his neck as the intruder leans in close to his ear, mouth brushing lightly against the shell. “Damn, Jen, what the hell were you doing, trying to kill me?”

Jensen’s tense body starts to relax when Jared’s familiar voice groans in his ear and all resistance flees from his mind. He does open his mouth in disbelief however. _He’s supposed to be with Brett right now._

Jared’s weight suddenly lifts from his back and he sits up as his friend moves to the end of the bed, giving Jensen an incredulous look. Jensen flushes slightly, feeling like a complete idiot, as a sheepish smile forms on his lips. He watches as Jared arcs his back and winces in obvious pain; sympathy and remorse swell within Jensen as he looks upon his friend with apologetic eyes.

“Sorry if I hurt you, man, but you scared the hell out of me. I wasn’t expecting you to be here tonight, and when I remembered that I forgot to lock the front door I kinda panicked. I didn’t know who was in the house and all my mind was focused on was protecting myself,” Jensen explains; an edge of a defensive tone in his voice.

“You sure have more strength in that body than I ever expected, it’s very deceiving. I’m sure my back is gonna have a nice big bruise by morning.” Jared glares, though a smile keeps tugging at his lips.

“Obviously not strong enough, you still managed to overpower me,” Jensen replies, pouting slightly, though he’d never admit it.

“That’s ‘cause I’m freakishly large,” Jared smiles impishly, wagging his eyebrows and making Jensen laugh softly. “Seriously though, you’re lucky it was just me. How could you forget to lock the front door? What were you thinking? That was rather stupid and irresponsible, which is something I’d never expect of you.”

“I dunno… guess I wasn’t thinking, my mind was elsewhere at the time,” Jensen answers vaguely; unable to confess what the true origin of his thoughts was that caused him to do such an uncharacteristic and foolish thing.

“What were you possibly thinking about to make you forget your own safety, Jen?” Jared asks in confusion and concern.

Jensen falls silent for a moment, unsure how to answer his friend’s question. He can’t possibly tell him the truth, but he also is having trouble coming up with a good enough lie. In the end, he decides embarrassment is better than rejection. “Alright, fine, since you’re gonna push it!” Jensen growls unhappily, lowering his head in shame. “I had been sitting on the couch when that damn rat crawled on me. There, that’s what made me act so carelessly. Are you happy, now?”

Jared at least attempts to hide his amusement, at first, but his laughter erupts from his throat when he can no longer contain it. Jensen closes his eyes and waits for Jared to calm down; crimson flooding his cheeks as embarrassment sets in.

“So, let me get this straight… our little ‘pet’ crawled on you, you freaked out, and were still so panicked that you just went straight up to your room instead of locking up first like you usually would?” Jared asks; eyes alight with amusement and body shaking with suppressed laughter.

“Yeah, basically, now can we please change the subject?” Jensen groans and covers his face with his hands to hide his flaming cheeks when Jared, once more, bursts into a fit of giggles. _He’s actually **giggling**!_ Jensen nearly laughs as well.

“Man, your fear of rats is just too damn hilarious,” Jared says, wiping away tears from his eyes. “Wish I could’ve been here to see that, I can just imagine it all in my head! I can always count on your fear of rats to cheer me up!”

“Are you quite done yet?” Jensen rolls his eyes in annoyance. “Besides, what are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were supposed to be staying over at Brett’s. Did something happen?”

Jared’s laughter dies down immediately as a heavy sigh passes through his parted lips. “I couldn’t go through with it. I tried, believe me, but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t care about Brett, and a one night stand isn’t what I really want; they don’t satisfy me anymore.”

Jensen isn’t sure what to say to this, so he opts for a simple nod of his head; showing his understanding and respect. Jared smiles slightly, though it doesn’t reach his eyes, and turns his head away.

“I just kept thinking about what you said, about telling my friend how I really feel about him.” Jared continues, and Jensen’s breath hitches in his throat; waiting anxiously for Jared to continue. “What you said made a lot of sense to me, and when I was with Brett, looking into his eyes, I realized he wasn’t the one I wanted to be with. I realize now that I would regret it if I didn’t at least tell my friend that I’m in love with him, not knowing how he feels about me is driving me insane, and I won’t be able to move on until I know for sure that I don’t have a chance.”

“I’m glad I was able to help, Jay, and I honestly think it’s the right choice,” Jensen responds when he finally finds his voice. “You gonna tell me who this mystery man is now?”

Jared regards him hesitantly, chewing on his lower lip, and looking as though he wants to tell Jensen everything. Jared shakes his head a moment later however, appearing afraid to even say the guy‘s name. “No, not yet… I will eventually, but I just can’t right now.”

Jensen nods his head, doing his best to hide his disappointment, and offering his friend a small smile. “I understand... you probably want to talk to him before anyone else.”

“Uh, yeah… he deserves to be the first to hear those words,” Jared replies quietly, soft eyes watching Jensen intently.

Jensen squirms under the intense, searching gaze; feeling as though his mind isn’t catching on to something very vital. Jared tears his eyes away and rises from the bed, moving toward the doorway only to stop, glance back at Jensen and repeat this action all over again. Jensen raises an eyebrow at this, silently imploring Jared to confide in him.

“Jay,”

“Yeah,” Jared turns back to face Jensen.

“I… I just… you need to know…,” Jensen sighs when he can’t seem to get the words out, fear getting in the way. “You know what, nevermind, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Jared’s face falls in disappointment. “Yeah, uh, okay. Goodnight, Jen.”

“Night, Jay,” he responds quietly, cursing himself for chickening out at the last minute, yet also relieved that he didn’t say anything that could jeopardize his friendship with Jared.

Jared turns around once again the moment he reaches the door and he looks at Jensen with quiet desperation. “You really want to know?”

Jensen immediately knows what his friend is talking about and nods his head. “Yeah, if you’re ready to confide in me.”

Jared nods his head slowly, as he contemplates this for a moment, before raising his eyes once more and staring straight into Jensen’s. “I love you Jensen.”

For a moment Jensen isn’t sure if he has heard correctly or if his ears have deceived him. The way Jared spoke was so determined and sincere, yet the whispered confession also held a hint of fear that his friend was trying so hard to conceal. He had silently hoped to hear those words come from Jared, but he never once believed it could actually happen.

He didn’t know who Jared was talking about when he said he was in love with a friend, but he never thought _he_ could be that friend. Jared never gave any indication that he felt any feelings for him besides that of friendship. _Maybe the signs had always been there and I had just never noticed_ , Jensen reasons in his mind before smiling ironically. _I guess I was wrong, I wouldn’t have noticed something **this** important. I really am an idiot!_

“You mean to tell me that friend you’ve been talking about is me; _I’m_ the moron you’re in love with?” Jensen asks in disbelief.

Jared’s forehead creases as a frown develops on his face. “You’re not a moron, Jen. Yeah, I was talking about you the entire time, but I don’t know where this whole ‘moron’ thing is coming from.”

A small smile lifts Jensen’s lips as Jared’s words roll around in his head. He recalls the way Jared has always spoken about this guy he is in love with, how much he means to him, and Jensen can’t help feeling giddy now that he knows for sure he _is_ that guy. He always felt a twinge of jealousy whenever Jared talked about it, but it’s kind of pointless to be jealous of yourself. It makes him feel a little sheepish now, even though he hadn’t known Jared’s ‘friend’ was him.

Jensen rises from the bed and crosses the floor to stand in front of his friend. Jared looks down at him hesitantly, obviously afraid of being rejected. Jensen grabs hold of Jared’s forearm and squeezes reassuringly; shaking his head fondly.

“You should have told me sooner, Jay; you didn’t have to be afraid to tell me the truth. I know you were scared I’d freak out, but you should know me better. Even if I didn’t share your feelings, I never would turn your friendship away, so don’t think so little of me in the future.”

“I don’t think little of you, Jen, I know you’re a great person and not cruel in that…,” Jared stops mid babble and his eyes widen almost comically. “Wait a minute, you said even _if_ you didn’t share my feelings.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow and smiles in amusement. “Yeah, I did.”

“So, hold on a sec… are you trying to tell me you feel the same as I do?” Jared asks with something akin to astonishment in his eyes; almost afraid to allow himself to believe it.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Jensen whispers as he takes a step closer; eyes soft, sincere and filled with warmth. “I love you too, Jay, always have.”

Jared’s eyes are still wide in shock as he tries to process this new information; clearly having a hard time believing it is real. A fond smile graces Jensen’s lips as he reaches a hand up to wrap around the back of Jared’s neck and pulls until Jared’s mouth connects with his own. Jared releases a startled gasp and Jensen seizes the opportunity to lick his way into the younger man’s mouth.

At that moment, Jared surrenders completely; wrapping mile long arms around Jensen’s frame and pressing his lips harder against the pliant ones beneath them.

Grabbing a fistful of Jared’s shirt, Jensen pulls him flush against him and opens his mouth wider when Jared begs to take control of the kiss. Wrapping his arms around Jared’s neck, Jensen tilts his head to offer the man easier access to his mouth. The feel of Jared’s tongue against his own is near electrifying and so much better than he could have ever imagined, he silently wonders if Jared is thinking the same. Is he has satisfied with their first kiss as Jensen is?

The feelings and emotions Jensen is experiencing are intense and foreign. He has kissed people before, men and women alike, but it has never been like this before. He finds it thrilling, and a bit intimidating. Just from this kiss alone Jensen can tell that if he allowed it he could care about Jared deeply, more than he ever has with anyone else, and the concept is a little frightening. Would it be wise to lose himself so willingly and openly to the other man?

He has always guarded himself, never allowing anyone to get close enough to hurt him. Yet, it would seem, Jared has the potential of being the one person to accomplish such a feat with little to no effort at all. He trusts the younger man completely, knows Jared would never do anything to intentionally hurt him… but the prospect of giving himself over entirely scares Jensen.

_Don’t be stupid, stop being so scared of everything for once and give yourself a chance to live_ , Jensen admonishes himself firmly. _You’re kissing Jared right now, **Jared** , so why the hell are you thinking so much?_

Shutting his mind off from all thoughts, and allowing himself to feel alone, he encourages Jared’s wandering hands by releasing a soft moan into his mouth. Jared’s large hands knead at Jensen’s flesh through the fabric of his shirt, and Jensen feels as though he could disintegrate from the heat of the touch.

Jared pulls away moments later with reluctance and cups Jensen’s cheek with the palm of his right hand. Jensen leans his head into the warm, comforting, and loving gesture as he releases a sigh of contentment.

“I know it sounds crazy but I have never felt like I belonged with anyone as much as I do when I’m with you, Jen,” Jared whispers around pants of breath, eyes locking with startling green. “You accept me for who I am and don’t ask anything of me, you’re the truest friend I’ve ever had. Yet, I’ve always longed for more, as selfish as that may sound. You make my days a little brighter and I‘m at my happiest when you‘re around. I never realized I could care about another person so much until you came along.”

“I know what you mean, Jay, I’ve never been as close to anybody else. There’s just something about you that I couldn’t resist, even though I tried so hard to. I could never express what you mean to me, but I’ve loved you almost from the moment we met, it just took me a while to realize it,” Jensen admits softly, wrapping a hand around the nape of Jared’s neck and pressing their foreheads together; closing his eyes as relief washes over him. “I’m glad you found the courage to tell me how you really feel, ‘cause while I was scared to broach the subject myself, I can now say how much I love you too.”

“I hope you realize, now that I have you, I’m never letting you go.” Jared laughs softly as he says this; tightening his arms around Jensen’s waist. “You’re now spoken for; I won’t have you thinking any differently. You’re mine now, so don’t ever forget it.”

“There’s no way I could,” Jensen whispers softly before raising his head and once more claiming the younger man’s lips in a kiss.

Feeling a gentle pressure against his chest, Jensen allows himself to be led backward toward the bed and then he is being gently lowered down onto it with Jared atop him. Bending his legs at the knee with his feet planted firmly on the bed, Jared settles between his spread thighs and attacks his mouth with vigor.

Relinquishing Jared’s lips, Jensen takes in a deep breath and gazes up at his new boyfriend with half lidded eyes. One look into Jared’s eyes tells Jensen he will be getting no sleep for quite some time tonight…

* * *

\- Three Days Later -

From his spot on the sofa, Jensen stretches his body to its limits and tosses his head to the side to stare at Jared, whom sits on the floor in front of the CD rack in the corner; rooting through the wide collection of music for something inparticular. Jensen is just enjoying the laziness of the day. From the moment he woke up this morning, he has been hell bent on doing absolutely nothing, if he can get away with it. Thankfully, nothing has risen to spoil his plans.

Jared releases a whoop of triumph when he locates the CD he has been searching for and rises to put it in the home stereo system. The sounds of _Lifehouse_ fill the silence of the room moments later, and Jensen welcomes the familiar song that is playing. Jared smiles as he lifts Jensen’s legs and sits down; placing said legs on his lap.

Not satisfied with the position, Jensen pushes himself up and removes his legs from his boyfriend’s lap. Moving so his side is flush against Jared’s, he molds himself against his boyfriend as Jared wraps an arm around his waist. Releasing a contented sigh, Jensen lays his head on Jared’s shoulder and closes his eyes; letting the sweet song drift over him.

“We should do something tomorrow.” Jared’s voice suddenly cuts over the song filling the room.

Without opening his eyes, Jensen responds, “What do you have in mind?”

Jensen’s head rises and falls with the movement of Jared’s shrug of his shoulders. “I dunno… We could check out the stores in town and go out for lunch, or we could go hiking. Doesn’t really matter to me what we do just so long as we get out of the cabin for a while.”

“Sounds good to me, and it doesn’t matter to me either, so long as I’m with you,” Jensen responds with a voice laden with sleepiness.

Jared laughs; tightening his arms around him and placing a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m guessing you’re gonna fall asleep on me soon, aren’t ya?”

“Probably,” he responds with a smile that is half amused and half apologetic, though Jared can’t see it. “I’ll make it up to you later if I do end up falling asleep.”

“You bet your ass you will… you’ll be making it up to me tonight,” Jared replies, tone mischievous and ridden with unconcealed lust.

Jensen laughs at his boyfriend’s insatiable sex drive, but his laughter cuts short when Jared’s cell phone begins vibrating from its spot on the coffee table. With a groan, Jensen forces himself away from the comfort of his boyfriend’s side, as Jared smiles apologetically and reaches out to retrieve his cell.

Flipping the phone open without looking at the caller id, he raises it to his ear and utters a slightly annoyed “hello”.

Jensen looks on in concern when Jared’s body stiffens and he sits up suddenly, tension and wariness pouring off him in waves. “Jeff? Why are you calling me?” Jared asks, voice breaking ever so slightly.

Jensen’s concern deepens when he learns the caller's identity, and he wonders how this is going to affect the younger man. Inwardly, he is screaming at Jared’s brother, silently telling Jeff that he better not hurt his brother like their parents have. He has always liked Jeff, has always thought of him as a nice person and an awesome brother to Jared, but after everything that has happened… he isn’t sure what to think of the Padalecki family members anymore. While he may like Jeff, if he does anything to hurt Jared, Jensen won’t think twice about giving him a piece of his mind.

He tries to catch Jared’s eyes to gauge what is going on in his head, but his boyfriend is refusing to meet his stare, keeping his eyes on the coffee table and giving Jensen no regard whatsoever. He can’t help but worry that this conversation with his brother might make Jared relapse to the depression he was in when they arrived at the cabin. Jensen was able to bring out the old Jared, the happy and carefree one, but now all that progress might be tarnished.

Jared finally turns to face Jensen, eyes full of apology as he stands and heads outside for some privacy. Jensen sits stock still on the sofa, staring at the closed front door with worry deepening in his gut. He hopes everything goes okay for Jared because he doesn’t want to see him hurt anymore.

There is nothing more he can do than sit and wait patiently for his boyfriend to return.

* * *

What seems like hours later, Jared finally re-enters the cabin and closes the door behind him; heaving a great sigh. Jensen isn’t sure what to make of this, can’t figure out Jared’s mood. His boyfriend slowly pushes away from the door and makes his way into the living room, flopping down beside him on the sofa and closing his eyes.

“So, what’d he have to say?” Jensen asks anxiously, unable to wait for Jared to speak on his own.

“They’re still on my side, Megan and him,” a small smile grows on Jared’s face as he says this, swiveling his head around to lock eyes with Jensen. “They don’t care that I’m gay, they still love me and aren’t gonna abandon me.”

A sigh of relief rushes out of Jensen’s lungs as he reaches out for Jared’s hand, squeezing lightly. “See, not all is lost; you still have your brother and sister.”

“Yeah, my parents still want nothing to do with me, Jeff confirmed that for me, but I still have him and my sister, and I’m content with that. At least I didn’t lose everyone, right, that’s something positive,” Jared says softly, as though speaking to himself more than Jensen, and then he turns a radiant smile Jensen’s way. “Not to mention, I still have you, and in all the ways I’ve always wanted you… life is good.”

Jensen’s heart swells with emotion when these words leave Jared’s lips, and he finds himself pulling his boyfriend in for a dizzying kiss that leaves them both delirious with love and passion. _Yeah, things couldn’t be any better_ , he says as he devours Jared’s mouth and shows him just how much he means to him.

* * *

Rooting through the clothes in his duffel, Jensen pulls out a pair of tan khaki pants and a short sleeved shirt. He had fought Jared, saying he really didn’t want to go hiking, and he even tried persuading him with afternoon sex, but Jared wouldn’t be dissuaded. The younger man is determined that they get out today, first hiking and then heading into town for shopping and lunch. Jensen can’t deny that it does sound a little appealing, especially the more that he ponders the idea, but he would still much rather spend their time at the cabin together.

Changing into the clothes appropriate for hiking, Jensen puts on a little deodorant before making his way out of the room and downstairs to the kitchen where Jared is packing a light sack for them. His boyfriend is placing a couple of water bottles into the small bag just as Jensen enters the kitchen and leans against the counter Jared is standing in front of. The smile on his boyfriend’s face is wide and bright and Jensen would give Jared anything he wanted just to keep that expression on his face.

_Not good, Jensen, he doesn’t need any more power over you than he already has_ , he silently says ironically when he thinks about how often Jared uses those damn puppy eyes against him; knowing they will get him anything he wants.

“You all ready to head out?” Jared asks as he closes the small bag and slings it over his shoulder.

“Yeah, we can leave whenever you’re ready.”

“Well, I’m ready,” Jared says with a grin as he walks around Jensen and heads toward the front door, expecting his boyfriend to follow.

“Whatever, man,” Jensen shakes his head and rolls his eyes as he steps outside; locking the door behind them, “but if you get us lost out here I’m so gonna kick your ass.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jared waves a dismissive hand; not taking the threat seriously. “But in order for you to kick my ass your foot would have to be able to reach it, so I guess you’re outta luck Jenny.”

Jared laughs gleefully as he takes off running with Jensen hot on his heels; spouting off death treats should he catch the younger man.

* * *

“I’m really glad we came here,” Jared says as they walk side by side down a dirt trail, tall oak trees on either side of them. “Thanks for coming with me; I know how much you were looking forward to seeing your family.”

“Don’t even mention it; I know you’d do the same for me.” Jensen smiles softly as he says this. “Besides, I’m having a really good time; this was a good idea.”

Jared smiles radiantly as he takes Jensen’s hand in his own and swings them back and forth between them. Jensen laughs at the childish action but makes no move to stop their swinging arms. This is just one of the things he loves about Jared, though he can’t help feeling foolish when engaging in such things. He loves Jared’s enthusiasm for life, and the fact that he hasn’t lost his inner child; Jensen hopes nothing ever happens to dampen that side of the younger man.

Glancing over at his boyfriend, he is awed by the way the sun, which is peaking out from behind the trees, lights up his beautiful face. He still can’t quite believe that they are here at this point in their lives, never dared to dream there would be a day he could call Jared his boyfriend. He couldn’t be happier with Jared, and is eager to see how their relationship will progress. Their relationship is still new, and there are many things left to explore about one another. They may have been friends long before they pursued each other romantically, but there are many things yet to learn; things to discover on a more intimate level.

They have only been together for four days and already they can’t seem to keep their hands off of one another; want to spend all their time together. Jensen hates to think of the day they will be leaving the cabin, ‘cause while he may not have been impressed with the state it was in when they arrived, the place holds special meaning to him now, and he hates to think of leaving it behind.

The peacefulness of the woods around them put both at ease and draws small, contented smiles to their faces. The air is cleaner than you could ever find in a bustling city, birds chirp from where they perch on the highest branches of the trees, and small woodland animals scurry across the path in front of them.

Jensen had been reluctant to go on this hike, had begged for Jared to change his mind, but now he is glad they got out of the cabin. He can’t remember the last time he was this relaxed; just enjoying some time outdoors, and not paranoid that someone would recognize him. He can hold Jared’s hand without worrying that someone is witnessing their private moment, he is allowed a moment to be himself and he is thoroughly enjoying it.

“Wow, it is _really_ nice out here,” Jared gives voice to Jensen’s thoughts, that small smile remaining on his face as his eyes sweep over their surroundings. “I wish we could do this more often, ya know.”

“I know what you mean, I’m glad you forced me to go hiking,” Jensen admits with a slightly sheepish smile as he turns to regard the man standing beside him.

Jared halts his slow stride, making Jensen do the same, and looks upon him with warmth and love in his eyes. “I’m really glad you’re here with me, Jen, there’s no one I’d rather be sharing this with.”

Jensen’s smile turns shy as he casts his eyes to the ground and responds quietly, “I’m happy to be here with you.”

“Damn, Jen, I still find it so hard to believe I’m dating you,” Jared says on a disbelieving laugh, tugging on Jensen’s arm until Jensen steps closer to him. “I’ve wanted to be with you for so long that now that I am I find it a little hard to believe, it’s still so surreal to me.”

“Better start believing it, ‘cause I’m not going anywhere,” Jensen replies with a soft smile lighting up his face.

Suddenly, he is being engulfed by Jared’s strong arms, and his lips are being devoured by a greedy mouth. Jensen moans softly into the kiss as he moves one hand to rest on the side of his boyfriend’s neck and the other grasps at a bicep. Jared leads him backwards and a huff of breath is pushed from his lips when his back collides with the trunk of a tree. Pinned against the rough bark, Jared tilts Jensen’s head the way he wants it and slips his tongue into the warm mouth beneath his.

Jensen surrenders completely to the passionate kiss and forces all thoughts from his mind, intent on only feeling. Jared’s lips upon his are like liquid fire and he feels as though he is being consumed: a willing victim. The intensity of the kiss dwindles down after a moment, and soon Jared’s mouth is merely resting against his; lips moving in a feather light caress every now and then.

Jared runs a hand down Jensen’s chest to rest atop the button on his khaki pants. His eyes when they lock with Jensen’s are blackened by desire and he shivers at the intensity in them. “Now _I’m_ beginning to wish we never left the cabin.” Jared pants, wisps of breath washing over Jensen’s cheeks.

Jensen releases a laugh as he gently pushes his boyfriend away, takes hold of his hand and moves to continue down the dirt path; dragging a slightly reluctant Jared behind him.

* * *

The two men exit one of the many, tiny stores they have visited in the past hour or so, each with a small bag in hand. Jensen couldn’t find anything for himself, but he did manage to spot a necklace he thought his sister would like. Jared had bought a camera and some batteries, determined to take some pictures during the last few days of their stay in the small town.

As they walk down the sidewalk, Jared is busy putting the batteries in his camera so Jensen takes it upon himself to search for a place for them to have dinner. They were going to head to town earlier and have lunch while they were there, but their hiking trip took longer than either of them had anticipated. Jensen hadn’t minded though, because he enjoyed the hike through the woods immensely.

Glancing across the barren street, Jensen catches sight of a small building called ‘John’s Place’ and takes note of the fact that they serve grilled hamburgers and fries. Knowing that neither of them desires anything too fancy, not that a place like that could be found in such a small town, he points the quaint little restaurant out to his boyfriend.

Jared regards the place with a look of appraisal and nods his head a moment later; saying it’s good enough. Without another word, the two men make their way across the street and enter the homey establishment. The aromas of various food attack their noses the moment they step through the door, and Jared’s stomach growls in appreciation. Jensen laughs softly and pulls his boyfriend toward the counter where a middle aged man stands looking so cheerful that he gives Jared a run for his money.

“What can I get for you boys?” the man asks pleasantly, glancing back and forth between them expectantly.

“I’ll have the cheeseburger and fries with a Coke,” Jensen answers immediately, not even needing to look at the menu for he already knows what he’s craving.

“I’ll have the same, only I want a Dr. Pepper with mine,” Jared responds, leaning against the counter and pulling out his wallet.

“Alright, that’ll be… $10.27, please,” the man tells them after punching in a few things on the register.

Jared hands the man a twenty dollar bill, smiling goofily when Jensen glares at him for paying for the whole meal, and retrieves his change as Jensen stalks away to find an available table. He finds one toward the back of the restaurant and both men take a seat, Jared laying the receipt on the table which has their number on it.

“I could’ve helped foot the bill, ya know,” Jensen grumbles, unable to resist.

Jared rolls his eyes and gives Jensen a skeptical expression. “Oh please, I think I can spare ten dollars, Jen. Besides, it would’ve been stupid for both of us to dig in our wallets and give the man two fives and some change. It was much easier giving him the twenty.”

Jensen can’t deny that he sees the logic in this, but that doesn’t stop him from grumbling under his breath about it. Jared grins happily when he sees that he has won, as usual, and sits back in his seat; tapping his fingers on the table to a beat only he can hear.

“So, what are your plans after we leave here?” Jensen asks curiously.

Jared shrugs, looking down at the table. “I dunno, I wasn’t exactly planning on going back to Texas, so I was thinking I’d go to LA or something.”

“You could stay with me at my parents’ place,” he suggests, not too eager about parting ways with the younger man so soon.

“Are you sure? That’s your time with your family, man, I don’t want to intrude,” Jared responds, unsure and hesitant.

“Are you kidding? Man, my family loves you, you know that. You would in no way be intruding. Besides, I want you to come to Richardson with me.”

“Yeah, okay, I don’t see why I couldn’t. I could spend a little time in Richardson and then I could head over to my brother’s place for a few days afterwards.”

Jensen smiles happily, glad his boyfriend has agreed to the idea, and Jared returns it in kind. Jared’s stomach gives a loud growl a moment later and they both laugh; Jensen playfully teasing him for it. Jared pouts openly, though he can’t keep a smile off his face for long, and then he returns to tapping his fingers on the table.

“Man, I wish this place had a Starbucks or something,” Jensen says after a moment of comfortable silence.

“You’re out of coffee already?” Jared asks incredulously and Jensen shrugs in his defense.

“It was only a small bag, didn’t take me long to finish it up.”

Jared laughs; a fond spark in his eyes as he reassures Jensen, “We’ll pick up some more from the market on the way back to the cabin.”

Jensen nods his appreciation, and they both perk up when their order number is called. Jared jumps up immediately, eager to fill his stomach, and heads up to the front counter.

* * *

Jensen climbs out of the Ford Focus, clutching a bag with his coffee inside to his chest, and eagerly makes his way toward the front door. Jared suddenly blocks his path however, and Jensen sends his boyfriend the best glare he can manage. It has been days that he’s gone without a cup of coffee, and now that he has some in his hands, he doesn’t know how much longer he can wait.

Jared grins brightly and holds up his camera, motioning for him to turn around and stand beside him. For a moment, Jensen entertains the thought of refusing until he has a cup of coffee in his system, but in the end he knows it would be pointless because the younger man will just pout until he gets his way. Jared can be damn stubborn when he wants something; Jensen learned that the hard way.

Groaning exaggeratedly, Jensen moves to stand beside his boyfriend and wraps an arm around the younger man’s waist. Jared copies this move, pulling Jensen flush against his side, and holds out the camera in front of them. Plastering a smile on his face comes easier and entirely more genuine than Jensen thought it would, and he finds himself beaming up at the camera. Jared snaps the picture and Jensen moves to pull away but his boyfriend’s grip doesn’t loosen from his hip.

“Come on Jay, I want some coffee now,” Jensen practically whines, though he’d threaten pain of death were anyone to point it out.

“Just one more, please Jen,” Jared pleads while using those puppy eyes at full force.

Jensen groans at being such a pushover, as he settles back in his position against Jared’s side, and impatiently waits for him to take another picture. Jared surprises him however, by turning him so they are face to face. Jensen raises an eyebrow in silent question but Jared just smiles as he holds the camera out away from them.

The moment Jared begins leaning in, Jensen catches on to what is going through his boyfriend’s mind, and he can’t stop the small smile that forms on his face for but a moment. Jared’s lips claim Jensen’s a second later, and he finds his eyes closing immediately of their own volition. Their mouths are pressed tightly together, lips parted slightly but no tongue anywhere in sight, and a moment later Jensen hears the snap of the picture being taken.

Jared kisses him a moment longer, allowing his tongue to come into play for a short while, and then he is pulling away. Jensen eases his eyelids open and finds Jared smiling softly at him; eyes sweeping over his every feature. He blushes shyly under the careful scrutiny, and ducks his head when he feels his cheeks begin to flame more as the seconds tick by.

Jared releases him and bounds up the steps to the front door. “You can make that coffee now if you want, but be expecting to take a lot more pictures before the day is through, ‘cause I plan to take many of you.”

Jensen watches as Jared disappears into the cabin; overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through his veins. He acknowledges the fact that he may care a bit too deeply for Jared, mainly because of how soon these strong emotions have developed, but he isn’t afraid of opening himself up to his boyfriend anymore. He knows just how lucky he is to have the younger man in his life and, as he stands there, he can’t help thinking, _I love that man_.

* * *

\- One Year Later -

Slouching further in the passenger seat, Jensen leans his head against the cool window and casts his eyes in Jared’s direction. His boyfriend refused to tell him where they were headed, opting to keep their destination a surprise, but Jensen grew curious when they passed the ‘Welcome to Colorado’ sign. He imagines that they are heading to Jared’s family’s cabin, the one they haven’t seen in a year; the same cabin where they confessed their love to one another. He doesn’t voice his suspicion though. If Jared wants it to be a surprise, then Jensen will do his best to act as such when they arrive.

A smile hasn’t left the younger man’s lips since they crossed the state border and Jensen can practically feel the excitement pouring off his boyfriend in waves. He can tell that Jared is anxious to get to their destination, and just from the emotions alone painted clearly on his face, Jensen finds himself growing eager as well. They have been driving for what seems like forever and, like a year ago, his joints are starting to cramp and ache, but despite how uncomfortable the ride is he feels no need to complain.

They have made idle chat here and there during the trip, but for the most part they have sat in companionable silence; listening to music or simply enjoying the other‘s presence. This trip is considerably more pleasant than the first one, in Jensen’s opinion. Maybe it’s because there isn’t a cloud of misery hanging over Jared’s head this time around, and Jensen isn’t worrying about anything. The air in the car is considerably less tense and more relaxing, and they are both able to enjoy the trip.

Spotting a gas station from the freeway, Jensen asks Jared to stop so he can get something to drink. Jared nods his head and pulls off at the next off ramp, saying they need to fill up on gas anyway. He pulls the car into the station and stops at one of the pumps, and then they both get out and head into Chevron.

“So you gonna tell me where we’re headed yet?” Jensen asks, unable to resist, as he grabs a red Gatorade from one of the coolers.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Jen? You’re just gonna have to wait and see,” Jared responds in aggravation, though the smile on his lips belies his words. “Besides, hasn’t anyone ever told you that patience is a virtue?”

Jensen pretends to contemplate this for a moment, going so far as to even rub his chin in faux thought. “No, guess my mom forgot that one. That’s why I have you around though; I can always count on you to teach me new things.”

“You’re impossible,” Jared laughs as he grabs a bottle of water and then proceeds to drag Jensen towards the front counter.

Jared pays for their drinks, as well as putting thirty into gas, and then they head back outside towards the car. Jensen leans against it, arms crossed over the top, as Jared pumps the gas. There is just something about Colorado that puts him at ease and makes him feel right at home; he can’t explain it. It just feels really good to be in this state again and, he assumes, close to the small town they spent two weeks in a year ago. The time spent in that town changed Jensen’s life, for the better, and he can’t help thinking fondly of the quaint little town.

Jared turns to him with a beaming smile after replacing the hose and gas cap and tells him that they are ready to hit the road once more. Jensen returns the smile with a bright one of his own, eyes crinkling with his mirth, and they climb back in the car. The radio comes to life when Jared starts the engine and Mat Kearney’s song ‘Nothing Left to Lose’ emits from the speakers. They share a smile before Jared pulls out of the gas station and heads back onto the freeway; both singing along at the top of their lungs.

“Come and we’ll sing… like we were free… push the pedal down, watch the world around fly by us… come on and we’ll try… one last time… I'm off the floor, one more time to find you… and here we go, there’s nothing left to chose… and here we go, there’s nothing left to lose…”

* * *

Half an hour or so later they find themselves pulling into the driveway of a two story cabin, and Jensen is surprised to learn it’s not the cabin he was expecting. This one is fairly newer than the Padalecki cabin, and in much better condition. The place is surrounded by trees, even more so than the Padalecki cabin, and a great Weeping Willow stands alone in the front yard.

Jensen can’t deny that he is in awe of the place, it may not be the Padalecki cabin that he grew so fond of, but this cabin is still a sight to behold. It isn’t that there is anything special in appearance, it’s just that Jensen is immediately overwhelmed with a sense of belonging, and he can already tell he is going to love this place, possibly as much as the other cabin.

“So, what do you think?” Jared asks after a moment, tilting his head in a dog like manner, and drawing Jensen out of the stupor he found himself in.

“It’s amazing,” he finally answers a bit breathlessly, stepping closer to the cabin and slowly taking in his surroundings.

“It took me a while but I managed to furnish it and stock it with a weeks worth of supplies; we’ll have to go shopping again pretty soon. And I know how much you liked the porch swing at my parent’s cabin so I bought us one, it’s in the backyard,” Jared says softly as he wraps his arms around Jensen from behind and rests his chin on his shoulder.

“This is truly amazing, Jay, why didn’t you tell me you were planning on buying a cabin?” Jensen asks, awe still in his tone with a touch of surprise.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Jared answers simply. “I know how much you loved my family’s cabin; the place holds special meaning for both of us, but with my relationship with them in ruins… Well, we couldn’t exactly go back there. So, it came to mind that we should have a cabin to call our own, where we can make more meaningful memories. I hope you like it.”

“This is _our_ cabin,” Jensen whispers with a growing smile; liking the sound of it. “This is wonderful, Jared, I’m so glad you did this for us.”

“Yeah, this can be our home away from home,” Jared says as he turns Jensen around in his arms, radiant smile fixed firmly on his lips. “I’m glad you’re happy, Jen, that’s all I was hoping for.”

Jensen doesn’t respond with words. Instead, he wraps a hand around the side of Jared’s neck and captures his lips with his own. Jared melts into the kiss immediately, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s waist and pressing his lips more firmly to the eager ones beneath them. Jensen releases a soft moan and pulls back before the kiss can become too heated; before it can lead to them exhausted and breathless… _that_ is just going to have to wait until after he checks out the cabin.

“Care to show me around our new place?” Jensen asks, eyes alight with joy and lips curved in a bright smile.

“It would be an honor; I think you’re really gonna like it. There’s no leaky ceilings, creaky floorboards, or dead animals hidden under the sink.”

Jensen laughs as he looks up at his boyfriend fondly and shakes his head in amusement. “Thank God,” he responds with mock relief, eyes wide with faux horror. “I don’t think I could live in such conditions.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re prissy,” Jared smiles innocently as he says this, and Jensen just laughs again, softly.

“In all seriousness though, this place is great; I love it already.” He places a chaste kiss upon Jared’s lips before pulling away and turning toward the cabin.

Jared moves towards the front door as he says, “Then let’s go check it out now so it’s out of the way and then I can have my way with you.”

Jensen just smiles to himself as he follows along behind his eager boyfriend; anxious to see the inside of the cabin. _I can‘t believe he did this, how did I ever get so lucky?_ Jensen thinks to himself happily as Jared turns to face him once more.

“Oh, and you’ll be pleased to know that this cabin is free of any scary rats,” Jared mocks; laughing when he catches the glare on Jensen’s face, and then quickly runs into cabin.

Jensen watches his boyfriend run from him and shakes his head fondly; silently vowing revenge for that comment. _Good to see some things never change_ , he thinks dryly as he follows Jared into their cabin.

  
**.The End. **   



End file.
